16: Grian

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I don't die.

I'm not dead.

I'm not even unconscious as the plane crashes. I managed to cover my face with my hands before we landed. So now it's them that smashed against Scar's seat with the impact and not my skull. I'm left recovering for a moment, flexing my fingers to get used to the throbbing pain. The canopy above us is shattered, but, after unstrapping, I still manage to force it up and see-

Scar.

He isn't moving, slumped against the controls. It looks like his seatbelt's broken. He didn't put it on properly. There's blood, he's been hit with shrapnel, and though his helmet took most of the damage, I see blood in his face under the visor.

'Scar?' My shaking fingers reach for his neck to find a pulse. 'Scar, wake up, buddy... I- I can't carry you out of here...'

Not too far away, I hear someone shout. I look up to see, to my horror, a group of Listeners notice us. I step back, but continue trying to see if Scar's alive. Though... Even if he was alive, I wouldn't be able to save him from the Listeners. Protocol means I shouldn't let him get caught.

Protocol means I need to kill him.

I pull out my gun and point it at Scar. My hands shake so much I have to grip it tight in both, pain be damned. I close my eyes. But I don't shoot. My finger doesn't pull the trigger, no matter how much I need to stop the Listeners capturing him and torturing him to find out everything about the Hawks. I can't do it. I just can't shoot him. My hands are shaking and hurting too much. I take another step back, glancing at the Listeners again. I've got a clean shot at Scar. He's unconscious. He probably thought he was going to die anyway. He might already be dead. He won't know.

But I will.

'Hey! Hawk!'

One of the Listeners speaks.

I glance up. There's about 10 of them, maybe more. Armed? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

I take one last glance at Scar.

And run away.

The first thing I realise as I run down the streets is that I don't know where I am. They're all deserted, I can't even ask anyone. But it provides some distraction from thinking about Scar. There was nothing I could've done, right? There was no situation where he ended up safe. I didn't have time or strength to pull Scar from the wreck. Certainly no way of doing it without hurt him any more... And there were the Listeners to contend with.

'Excuse me, are you alright?' I look up, realising I've ended up at a fenced-off street, where a pair of Lion guards are standing on watch. 'You're a Hawk, right?'

'I'm a Hawk Officer... I don't know where I am, my plane crashed... There's a Listener invasion at the celebration, we tried to get away and... And we crashed.' I don't mention leaving Scar to get captured by Listeners.

'Don't Hawk planes have 2 pilots?'

'The- the other, the pilot... he didn't make it out.'

'You said you were escaping an attack?'

'At the celebration. I don't know if it's still going... Or what happened... It was still going when we left...'

'It's alright. Don't panic.' One of the guards checks their holo-screen. 'It's already on the news. Brutal Listener terror attack leaves hundreds suffering... It looks like it's over. Wels, you take him back there.'

One of the guards, one I recognise for guarding the Hawk base sometimes, nods, leaving the other to guard whatever they're guarding. They lead me away. I stay silent, until they speak again.

'What's your name?'

'Grian. I'm Officer Grian.'

'I'm Officer Wels,' Wels replies. 'How long have you been a Hawk for?'

'A while... I only became an Officer a couple years ago. Expert flying under stressful conditions or something...' I remember the Southern Tower attack, the plane crashing into the building, Officer Cub's terror as he demands us to save as many people as we could. But Wels continues the conversation, and I let him distract me. Apparently his younger brother Hels is also a Lion, but just a fighter instead of an Officer like him. He also reveals that he was guarding the remains of the Blindfold until they sort it out, admitting his worry for the residents of the area. Eventually, we reach the high street, where the parade was. There are bodies on the ground. With discomfort, I immediately see there are only a few Hawks or Lions among them. The vast majority of the 2 Watcher armies are being counted, their leaders in conversation. Wels approaches. I follow.

'Excuse me. Captain Elex?'

He turns, noticing me immediately.

'Officer Grian, what happened? Where have you been?'

'Scar force me to join him stealing a Hawk plane and flying away. We crashed. Scar's dead.' ...or in a Listener base after I abandoned him. Either way, I feel a jolt of grief for him. For a moment, Elex is silent.

'...Dead?'

I nod.

'He didn't want me to fly without a helmet on. So... he... was in control of the plane. He couldn't hear what I was saying and... clipped a building...' I still feel the burning fear in my chest. 'He died on impact.'

'You left him there?'

'There was nothing else I could do.'

'And you're SURE he was dead?'

'Yes,' I lie. 'I checked.'

'Good. And you...' he turns attention to Wels '...found him?'

'He found us. He didn't know where he'd crashed and I knew the way here.'

'Thank you. Go back to your duties. Both of you.' With one final smile at me, Wels does. I walk over to where the Officers are gathered, the truth about Scar starting to properly sink in. Even if he survived, the Listeners won't let him go. Elex won't let him continue as a Hawk if he does. I'll get punished for letting him live.

'Grian!'

I look up to see Pearl, trying to smile.

'I'm alright.' I reply without explaining further why I wouldn't be. 'What happened here?'

'The Listeners fled when they realised we had more guns than them. We still managed to get a lot of them...' I follow her gaze to the dead, and then where a group of Listeners are trapped. Prisoners. Probably about to be carted off for interrogation. Torture, most likely.

'They deserve it.' False, overhearing us decides. 'For attacking us.'

'I caught one beating up the Fledgling I was mentoring. Scar.' I add. It doesn't stop my discomfort. I just let False and Pearl talk, stuck, still thinking of Scar, still thinking of the crash, still thinking of the attack, until Elex finally dismisses us.

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