How it happened. How it's going.

11 years later.

It's been 11 years since that day, I still think about it every now and then, not in the sense that I would do it again i can say with 100% confidence I will never do that again. But just wonder why the gun didn't go off if it was fully loaded, I took the safety off, I squeezed the trigger as hard as I could. How it didn't go off blows my mind, but eventually I came to the conclusion that it was God.. keeping me here. I'm now in therapy not for that specific reason but it is one of the reasons, and I have been making such amazing progress, it's a little hard to be proud of sometimes just because I'm not used to feeling "proud" but I'm trying. It's going well, I'm slowly feeling better about everything i don't look around and see things so negative anymore, I go to church every week, it feels good to go and just hear about God, my relationship with God is getting stronger everyday, I go to different parks every Saturday and just walk and thinking about all that God has created around me, its beautiful. I'm just hoping that everything I am doing, therapy, church, walks, hoping it all pays off, weather it will or not is yet to be known. But, I am very optimistic about it. I don't want to die anymore. I don't see a bad ending anymore. Everything seems like it's going to be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, it's not the end.