My Humorous Human Life

EVENINGS

My family recently shifted just one floor above to get separated from my grandparents my uncle, his wife and my cousins.

The flat is all white with limited furniture and an uncontrollably emotional mother. Crying all day, feeling disrespected and always blaming me and my father for everything that happened.

The world was all about sobbing and blaming each other for us.

My sister was all excited; maybe because she liked the idea of having a place where only we would live and were allowed to do anything and have anything without any restriction.
For the kids in the house it was fun to run upstairs and meet each other then get downstairs to watch TV but then again run upstairs to scream in an empty room so the voice echoes.
My sister and my cousins all of them being girls formed a girl group kind of thing. All three of them had been best friends since they were born. For them it was fun. And didn't bother them.

However, when I walked down the stairs seeing my aunt I was filled with rage. Whenever I saw my uncle I wanted to just get rid of him from my sight. My cousins were okay since they were always kids.
Another reason I never hated my cousins, they suffered from the same issues we did. I never wanted to ruin it further by not talking to them or by not letting my sister talk to them. They were always welcomed.
But my grandparents remained silent. And why did they? The problem was they never welcomed us as a family and it ended up so bad.

Days were like that. And evenings were the worst.

7th October 2021
My dad came back home that evening a bit early. He was tired so he went to his room and lay down. I was busy with my schoolwork probably sitting on the floor.
Suddenly my mother had an outburst and she went straight to my father, and started screaming and crying.

One thing I knew was my father was annoyed.

"You are the one who ruined it, you were not able to protect us and you ruined our lives. Why are you even alive? Just to mock my existence? To let people disrespect me? To let others hate my kids and exploit their presence? You are useless. You don't even......" My mother couldn't continue it further.

Just then my father stood up and he started beating his head. That was the first time I saw my dad like that.
Reckless was all heavy and was so mad.

"Yes, I did. I ruined it. now go ahead and kill me. Why don't you? What are you waiting for?"  My father after saying that went upstairs to the terrace. I was worried I followed him. And while we were still on the stairs he scolded me

"Get out of here Ruchi, don't come near me."

That was heartwrenching. Moreover, his voice was so heavy and sharp that I was all shaken. I went back to my room pulled my blanket and slept.

I heard some noise in the background. My father stomped off the stairs shouting how idiot my mother had been recently. How has she always blamed him for everything and never thought about his feelings?

I wondered and I kept on wishing for it to just be a nightmare. I sobbed to myself I closed my sister's ear and she slept. Without knowing much of the things that happened.

I tried sleeping but I couldn't. The voices wouldn't stop.
And my heart is palpitating. It was already 11 pm and my mother walked inside the room held my head and caressed it. I kept my eyes shut and tried so hard to not let my tears roll down my cheeks.

And then slowly my father entered the room. Very slow and very tired he seemed. I was scared and I closed my ears and sulked in my mother's lap I held her tight and slowly muttered to myself.
"No. Please no. Please god no. Please"

Dad put his hand on my head I peeked a little from the corner of my eye and seeing it my dad burst into tears.
I remember him crying so much that day. So much that his tears won't stop. My mother sobbed too. Dad held me and was sorry.

He continued to say sorry.
"I'm sorry Ruchi! I won't let that happen again. I'm sorry beta, I'm sorry. I am not a good father. I'm sorry beta, please forgive me. Please, Ruchi. I'm sorry. Sorry.. sorry....."
And I don't know for how many hours he continued saying that. He sobbed and he cried. And I knew it was not his fault. I never blamed him. I was sorry for him. He lost his parents even if they weren't dead yet. I patted his head and said "It's okay. It's not your fault. Please don't cry"

That night was a terrible one.
I still can't decide if it is okay for a 15-year-old to feel so much. To feel so vulnerable. The age where it was supposed to be all so nice and fun. It all ended up so bad.

And then the question arises; was I always like that? Was it always like that? Were we so vulnerable since the beginning? And when did it begin?