Princess of Roses

Chapter 3: Missing Pieces

Theo

Waiting for her to get back is beginning to wear on me. My fingers tap on the headboard of her ornate bed. Predictably, there are swords on top of her mantle. A fond smile pulls at my lips. It's nostalgic.

I cannot even begin to count the number of arguments we had about her tendency to do that once upon a time. The cottage walls were practically covered with swords and dragon memorabilia by the end. I'd found it a little annoying at the time. I run a hand down my face, a sigh leaving my mouth. It was also one of the things I found myself missing most after.

Funny how it was the things that annoyed you about someone that you missed most when they were gone. Leaning back against her mountain of pillows, I throw an arm over my eyes. The remnants of that time still cling to me like leeches. Every morning I have to search her out, touch her even as a passing graze to make sure she's real and not a phantom of my delusions.

Sighing I move my hands to rub at my eyes. How pathetic does that make me? To search her out like a man chasing a mirage when I'm the reason she was gone to begin with. A series of daggers strike my heart at the reminder. No matter how many times she or the others try to convince me it wasn't my fault, I can't bring myself to believe them.

It was my fault. For all I'd nagged at her for her recklessness, it was my own that ultimately led to her demise. Even a thousand years cannot erase the utter horror that engulfed my very being when she faded in my arms. Her lifeless body in my arms, the cold feel...I groan, rubbing my eyes to erase it.

This is not the time for this. I cannot think about it. Can't let my mind linger too long on those few seconds where I was left holding her body before it...No. None of this. A shuddering breath leaves me as I force myself out of the comforting warmth to deposit myself on the leather couch.

Only a few months ago, I would have attempted to forget these particular memories by finding something to kill or destroy. Preferably a vast field of trees or those terrible fiends that still terrorise these lands. But now I cannot. My body aches, tremors of pain shooting through my limbs if I move them even slightly in the wrong manner.

Magic depleted to a point where even an hour's rest is hardly enough to refill it. Which means that my regular avenues of dealing with these thoughts are unfeasible. Besides, I'm quite sure she would hit me upside the head and call me an idiot if I acted on the impulse.

Ah. She's here to reprimand me for those coping mechanisms now. A smile pulls at my lips at the reminder, a weight lifting of my shoulders. I don't deserve it. I know I don't, but the reminder makes joy fill me all the same.

Finally. She's back. No longer do I need to content myself with memories and delusions. She's real. My lips twitch when a flash of earlier events flickers through my head. And just as annoying as ever. Internally sighing, I prop my legs up on the empty table. Leave it to Celeste to remember every conversation and use it against me.

Oddly enough, I find it comforting.

But then again, it's no wonder I find it so when the alternative would be contempt. Now that I know she has been watching over me this entire time, a fact which still makes me marvel, many of my choices have become even more embarrassing to reflect on. My lips thin. It will be a topic of conversation at some point. I know her too well to think it won't.

Hopefully, it will be later rather than sooner. Preferably not before I've thought of suitable reasons for some of them. Or apologies. More likely apologies. A sense of helpless resignation settles within me. She's too stubborn to accept anything less.

Tapping outside of the door jars me from my thoughts, and I immediately go to open the door. In the nick of time as well, because not a second later Astri is walking through with two plates full of food along one arm, cups stacked on top of each other in her other hand, and a jug of some drink balancing on top of her head. The sight brings both amusement and exasperation.