Blood of the Soul

Existing Acceptance

                                " Existing Acceptance "

It is hightime I admit and accept

All those things about you that I miss.

And although I have no regrets,

I remember the trueness behind your kiss.

Times like right now...

When I am in pain and you were there to help me out.

Bringing to me everything I could possibly need.

Something to drink and food to eat.

Today I cannot get around very well...

So, I am reminded of how you helped me when I fell.

There is no confussion, so it's easy to tell,

How much you cared for me and didn't fail.

You'd never forget that I was in need,

I remember the times, you even massaged my feet.

Even then I knew you watched out for me...

That kind of caring (today), is so rare you see.

I guess I never went without.

You placed me first----no doubt.

i guess it's time I admit all this outloud.

Accepting....what I now go without.

So, although I grit, as I force out these words,

You're ways I miss, and yes it hurts!

Hurts to know that all that special #1-ness...

Is not existing----alone with numbness.

So, I fend for myself on the days I'm able.

And I remember your loving caringness---as if it were a fable.

Some fairy tale that I must have read so long ago.

For today (of that time), I have nothing to show.

No, not one smile or fresh new rose.

No, smiles and laughs, you used to show.

No, shinney new packages with ribbon aglow.

No, warm bath drawn or blanket a-throw.

There is no one who has come,

And taken over for you and that love.

Not in those moments of sickness or pain...

Not one bit---even during those migranes!

Left to fend for myself,

When I'm not doing so well...

No one caressing me...

No way to reassure and accept help.

There is no guidence....

When it comes to our children...

No extra helping hand.

Not for them---nope---no more Dad.

No heating pad or ride home.

No one bringing medicane or driving me home.

No one taking my messages on the phone.

Nope. Because, that place you filled---is now vacant in our home.

This existing acceptance,

Of all these very special things...

That I no longer have,

Well honestly.....I have remained hiden.

Hiding away, far away as I could get.

I guess to avoid the sorrow that would be met...

Maybe I will be better now...

Accepting this existance....somehow.

I suppose the worse part was getting it out.

Letting myself say something compassionate somehow.

Which my old friend....I must say....

DID NOT come NEARLY easy today.

Nothing has come easily our way though.

And since THAT seems to be the easiest to show...

And the easiest to say....

How very hard life has been since you went away!