Something Blue: A Taskmaster Fanfiction

A New Series

"You just need to tell him."

Greg sighed as the sentence rang through his ears yet again. He stirred at the soupy concoction of instant noodles he'd made himself, feeling hopelessly foolish and tragically alone.

"I know that Mike, but do tell me how exactly I'm supposed to go about it." He said, sipping at the chicken soup that drowned the noodles. "I don't exactly have the best track record with speaking my mind, do I? Not outside comedy."

Mike meanwhile sighed as he shuffled uncomfortably in his favourite chair. He didn't like the cushion he was forced to sit in - it was to help his haemorrhoid, but sacrificing comfort for the sake of his own health was something he was beginning to greatly regret.

"You alright, mate?" Greg asked, noticing the grunting noises he made as he tried to get comfortable.

"Yeah, sorry." Mike said. "It's a good thing I didn't win series eleven, it's still an absolute casserole down there."

"Too much information, Wozniak." Greg groaned. "Now are you going to answer my question or complain about your haemorrhoid?"

"Greg, what I need you to understand is that you're perfectly capable of speaking your complete and utter truth." Mike said firmly. "You just need to stop hiding behind your comedic mask and actually tell him. Just say it, exactly how you feel."

"Alright, I'll tell him exactly how I feel." Greg said with a clearly false confidence. "When we decide to start the next Taskmaster."

"Greg!" Mike sighed exasperatedly. "I sort of meant now. Like, not even now, just soon. Call him up and ask him round for a cuppa, meet out for a coffee, I don't know...I just think you're driving yourself crazy thinking about Alex and I think you ought to address the craziness before it gets out of hand."

Alex. This was what this conversation was about. Alex. It could only be about Alex; he was the one thing in Greg's life that sent him off kilter. Only a few people knew this - Mike being one of them.

"I don't know." Greg mumbled, his mouth full of soupy noodles. "You know what, I'll finish this, watch a bit of telly, maybe a bit of Clarkson's Farm, and sleep on it. Then I'll call you in the morning and tell you what I'm doing, yeah?"

"Promise?"

"I promise." Greg said dismissively, about to hang up.

"Greg." Mike said firmly. "You have to promise me you'll call me in the morning."

Greg sighed. "I promise I'll call you in the morning, Mike. Really."

"Alright then." Mike said, a little more hopeful. "Sayonara, Davies."

"Sayonara, Wozniak."

Greg hung up, secretly feeling thankful for Mike despite what felt to him like his nagging. He turned on the telly, a few strings of noodle accidentally falling into his lap.

"Well fuck you too." He mumbled, looking for Clarkson's Farm in his recently watched list.

Just as he found the point he was at, his phone rang again. He groaned, but he suddenly retracted it as his eyes widened at the contact that flashed up on the screen.

Little Alex Horne.

He took a shaky breath and answered it, putting on a wistful smile.

"Hello, Greg."

"Alex!" He exclaimed. "Alright, mate?"

"I'm good thanks." Alex smiled. "How about you?"

"I'm okay, mate." Greg said. "What's up?"

Alex seemed to hesitate for a moment. Greg panicked; it wasn't often Alex hesitated.

"Well, I was just thinking about something but I didn't want to go ahead with it until I'd asked you." He eventually said.

"Okay." Greg said reluctantly. "What is it?"

He let out a nervous sigh. "Greg?"

"Yes, Alex?"

"I want to make another Taskmaster."

Greg sighed. Another one? Now?

"Greg?"

He didn't answer; he was trying to work out what exactly he was going to say to this. He didn't want another series, not now. Especially not after his conversation with Mike. He'd already been trying to concoct a way to dodge tomorrow's promised call with him, even while he was still on the phone with him. He had to say no.

"Greg, are you still there?" Alex asked, bringing him back.

"Yeah, sorry." He said. "Do you mean just a normal series? I'm just thinking, we don't normally do them this early."

"See, that's the thing." Alex said with a chuckle. "This is no normal series."

He said it with such conviction, Greg found himself intrigued. "Go on."

"So basically, it's a sort of old versus new thing." He explained. "Three Taskmaster veterans against two new competitors: fresh meat. Mostly new stuff, but with a few callbacks to old tasks."

Greg found himself regretting his earlier thoughts on the matter; this sounded pretty good. Besides, Alex sounded so excited about the whole thing. He couldn't disappoint him, could he?

"I've already got a few people in mind."

"Like who?"

"Ed."

There was silence on the end of the phone as Greg thought about this. It wouldn't be so bad if Ed was there for him to confide in. Ed could keep a secret, they both knew that. He might not have yet known about what was there between him and Alex, but he'd definitely be more than supportive once he did.

"You're still friends with Ed, aren't you?" Alex asked, bringing Greg out of his trance.

"Yeah, yeah, of course I am." Greg said like clockwork. "Go on, who else?"

As Alex explained his ideas, Greg found himself in his own world again. The other names didn't matter to him anymore, not really. At least he had someone to depend on now. His earlier doubts had long been clouded.

"You know what, fuck it." He thought to himself. "Let's do this thing."

"Alex?" He interrupted as the names James Acaster and Noel Fielding escaped his assistant's lips. "You've convinced me - let's do it."

"Oh, really?" Alex asked. "That's great! Thanks Greg, I'll make all the calls tonight."

"Of course, my little lab rat." He said, his teasing laced with affection. "You'll have to let me know once you've got it all sorted out."

"Yeah, definitely." Alex agreed. "I'll let you go, then."

"Yeah, it's a bit late." Greg said with a weak chuckle. "Night, mate."

"Goodnight Greg."

And that was that.

As Greg hung up, he buried his face in his hands; that did not go as planned. The noodles he'd been eating didn't feel as appetising anymore. He didn't feel all that interested in watching Clarkson's Farm anymore either.

He almost certainly wouldn't hear the end of it from Mike in the morning, not after proclaiming that he'd tell Alex how he felt during the next Taskmaster shoot. All Greg wanted to do now was go to sleep and never wake up.

On the other side of the phone, Alex Horne let out a shaky sigh. He'd done it - he'd convinced him. He knew deep in his heart he would, but he'd still been skeptical. They didn't speak face to face much in between series, so this was his best chance. Though he was nervous, he reminded himself of one thing as he went to bed that night.

"You just need to tell him."