CHAPTER FIVE
Odette had been home for four days. She had called in sick and not left her apartment at all. The hours had bled into each other and the anxiety of missing several classes made her feel worse, her computer taunting her from her desk as she knew she had several assignments to do but no will to get them done.
Her father's words of taking responsibility felt futile, even more so impossible. It had crushed her will. It felt like she wasn't meant to be more than this, apathetic in bed while the world continued on. Just like her father, the world had spit her out, rejected her and made it clear that she couldn't meet it's standards. It felt better in bed, in the safety of her apartment where she didn't need to talk or think. She just needed to sleep, watching nature documentary after nature documentary to distract her mind and lull her to sleep.
She went back to school with nothing but dread in her step. She didn't go back because she had a splurge of energy or a desire to actually go, she went because she knew her father would be waiting for her at the end of the day. She knew he would wait because it was her mother's birthday. He had promised that they would go together to her grave and leave flowers.
He had promised her.
She had dressed in a blur, feeling nauseous at the thought of leaving her apartment but swallowing it down. Most things felt like they moved in a blur, time excruciatingly slow and then fast enough to make her head spin. She had checked her phone for the first time in days, having missed a text from Noel and an email about paying her cable. She also had a message on the school forum from Mr.Giordano, wishing her well and sending her some missed assignments. She felt a small sense of guilt for not replying, mostly because he held her first lecture of the day and it would be right back to the strong apprehension she felt whenever he was near.
Her dread of coming back had been right because the first thing she was met with was a test.
Mr. Giordano seemed to be explaining the test when she entered, dressed in a dark shirt with his sleeves rolled up. The exposed tattoos that covered his skin caught her attention and she found herself immersed in them, attempting to make out the detailed ink.
It was the first thing she liked about him.
She took her seat in the front row, taking of her coat that was drenched from the rain and turned to give Noel a quick wave. He already looked defeated, slumped in his seat and drumming his pen against his leg, while she didn't have much confidence in herself, the test seemed to be a repetition from last year. If it was a year ago, she would've come prepared and ready. She would be certain she would get the highest score, if not her world would crumble, now she couldn't gather the spirit to want more than to be done and leave.
Trough the whole test, she could feel Mr. Giordano watching her. He looked concerned. His brows were furrowed and his face was stoic, he almost looked impatient. He was a hard man to read but she had gotten a bit better at it.
She answered most questions on the test without feeling like she wanted to cry. She almost felt a little bit hopeful, she could actually pass this test.
She knew how proud her father would be, the shattered hope inside of her still existing. While she felt drained, while caring about school seemed pointless, she still desperately wanted the praise of succeeding at something.
At the end of class, chatter erupted and broke the silence. She could hear people start to discuss the test and she instantly wanted to leave. She hated that part of tests, the comparing and the shared anxiousness.
