Why do you not love me anymore? Why have you never cared for me how I cared for you? Why do I have to wonder if it's gonna be okay in the end?
Every night as I lay in my bed thinking of all the pain that you have caused me to feel, all the lies you've fed me, all the times you've claimed to love me but once I need you you aren't there to hold me and tell me I'm gonna be okay, your not there in the mornings when I feel sick and alone when all I want is a hug from you, all that I've ever wanted was to be the best for you but it seems like I'm never enough for you. We fuck and you tell me you love me and make me feel so special but when things get serious and I get mad and you leave and walk out, when you feel anger I stay there with you i never leave no matter how much you say you want me to leave I know you don't like that but it's all I can do when your saying your gonna hit me I become paralyzed with fear all I can think of to do is hold
You tell me that you didn't mean those words but at that moment it felt so real it felt one hit from you and I'm gone, suddenly I feel unsafe when all you've made me feel was safe, suddenly I'm back at my old apartment where my mom was still with Blas and I'm paralyzed. I can't think of anything else to do but hold you I push you towards me so you can't leave. I don't wanna let go of you I don't want you to feel like you're alone, even when you're yelling at me, hitting yourself and breaking your phone I keep a grip on you. "Don't let go he needs to know I'm still here and I got him even if he does hurt me" my thoughts go "He just needs someone" eventually he starts telling me how done he is with me and how much he hates me more than anything.
My heart stabbed, my thoughts full of "I was only trying to hug you".
He yells how I pushed him and wouldn't let go no matter how much he told me.
At that moment I felt like he needed someone and I wanted to be there holding him my intentions were never to make him like this.
He screams that he never wants to be with me and that I bring out the worst in him.
I only asked him to unfollow a girl how did such a good time with him end up like this?
Eventually I get so frustrated as he yells at me that he will never love me again I yell back.
Trying to be heard trying to show him what he just put me through for the last 3 hours. I yell I hate you more my heart so hurt the thoughts too loud I can't think I spill out words I don't mean I tell him how immature he is, how he isn't the same person I thought he was.
I never meant any of it I have never loved someone as much as I've loved him.
He leaves and tells his family about what just happened between us.
I go in my room and cry. All alone again losing the only person who's close to me, "where do I go from here" my thoughts go. Why am I so alone why doesn't anyone understand me why does love hurt so much?
Please stop hurting me all I've ever wanted from you was true real love, all I've wanted for you to do while I was being salty was for a hug and food you know how better I start to feel but you gave up so easily on us.
You promised to stay forever and now I'm begging for you to stay even while I'm carrying your baby.
