You're Already Mine

Chapter Twenty-Four

TW: ED, implied SH, MH talk

"So."

"So..?" Lucas' voice drags upwards into a question.

"So, how should we spend our free time?" Cheyenne asks, as though it's completely obvious and she thinks we can clearly read her mind.

I'm sandwiched between Lucas and Clover on the loveseat. Clover doesn't look at me and Lucas seems oblivious to her tension. The rest of our cabin mates are sprawled across the living room.

"Why don't we explore the camp some more?" I suggest. "We're allowed, right?"

"I'm pretty sure we are," Alyssa says.

Kylie seems to be thinking. "We could meet up with the rest of the group and explore together, or meet up with them and split into smaller groups?"

Everyone else seems to like this idea, so we get ready in 'explorer apparel', aka hoodies with jeans or denim shorts. It's quite cloudy outside today, but the forecast on my phone said it was due to get sunnier later on.

I take out my phone and text Sernie: i'm scared, idk how to talk to her about it

We find out, based on the map, that the camp is about forty thousand acres, so there's plenty to explore. I wonder if we'll have a completely free day sometime soon.

I notice, as we gather by the head of the main trail with the rest of the group, that Clover is still wearing her baggy hoodie and jeans. It's all I see her wear nowadays, but then again, I've known her for only a month.

"Are you okay?" I whisper in Clover's ear.

She nods, so I decide to let it rest. But it doesn't stop me worrying about her.

"So, how should we split up?" Amphitrite asks.

"I could go with Clover and Cameron," Lucas says. He looks at me for approval.

I know he's doing this to look after me while I look after Clover.

I nod. "That sounds good."

"Mally and I will go with Sierra and April," Maeve says.

Cheyenne, Kylie, and Sage decide to explore in a trio while Speck joins our group. The Whitlock twins group with the Hendrix sisters, and Jupiter, Delta, and Amphitrite are another trio.

The rest of the mini groups split up while my group stays put. Then Lucas takes charge and leads us down Serpent's Hollow.

As we walk, I'm in step beside Clover as she watches where she walks. Speck walks slowly behind us, taking in the scenery.

"So, how have you really been lately?" I say quietly.

"I.. don't know.." Clover mutters.

"Did you know that I-"

I stop, biting my tongue. Too soon.

Clover looks at me, soft gaze boring into my soul. "You what..?" she whispers, so quiet I can barely hear it.

"I just.. I really care about you-"

"I care about you, too," she says softly, still walking.

I let out a breath and resume walking next to her. Luckily, I don't think she can sense my tension.

My phone dings with a text from Sernie: you can do this xx

I smile, but it's only brief as I pocket my phone. "And I think I've mentioned before that I'm just really worried about you. I just-"

She sighs. "I'm not fine," she admits, voice still barely audible.

"I thought so."

"I just.. I don't know how to describe it. It's like I'm drowning in this, like, abyss, and no one can hear me scream."

I scrunch my eyebrows, still looking at the ground.

"And I try to hide it, try to act happy, but it just gets harder and harder every day. I'm scared that eventually, it would swallow me completely, and I'd never get out."

A moment of silence passes as we walk.

"I'm sorry, that probably sounds really stupid-"

"It doesn't," I say firmly. "I think I get it."

"I'm sorry," Clover says again, tears forming in her eyes.

"Come here." I pull her into a hug, halting us both in our tracks. The embrace seems to unleash the tears that were starting to form, and she cries into my shoulder, struggling to breathe.

"It's okay," I say, rubbing her back. "I've got you."

We stay like that for a few minutes, and then she's the first to pull away.

"Are you okay?" I whisper.

She shakes her head, a couple tears snaking down her face.

"It's okay. I'm here."

"Can we talk about this later, too?" she asks quietly.

"Tonight?"

"Tonight."

+   +   +

For dinner, there's another cookout picnic. Blankets are spread out in the main clearing on the grass. Our group is on a large quilt a little ways away from the other campers.

"I'll tell you what," Maeve says, fluffing up her pink hair. "I've never had a crush on a boy."

"Never?" I ask, only half feigning interest.

"Nope. But do you know how many straight girls I've had crushes on?"

"How many?" Lucas asks.

"Eleven."

"Eleven?"

"You heard me right," she says with a cackle.

The conversation shifts to the weather and how many fantasy novels Malachai has read in the past week. The number is truly impressive.

Clover has taken a few bites of the salad on her plate, but mostly, she's just staring vacantly at the center of the quilt. The gestures are all too familiar.

My phone dings with a text from Sernie: Call me tonight??

I unlock my phone and furiously type out a message. Yeah, we do need to talk.

I send another text: About Clover.

The typing bubble appears and is replaced by a new message: Is she okay?

Me: No. Yes. I don't know.

Sernie: We'll talk tonight. Midnight?

Me: Clover and I will talk beforehand, and then we can call.

He reacts to the message with a heart, and then types a new one: Got it. Voice or video?

Me: Can we do video?

Sernie: Of course xx