Hear Your God Speaking

| Chapter: 7 |

This morning I had taken a moment to pause and contemplate in the most inconvenient time,  getting ready for school. I had to stop and think about the weight of yesterday still on my shoulders, it's the first thing I thought about waking up. I'm losing track of time with so many things running through my mind, I can't help but to reflect. I got up from my cushioned chair sitting in my closet once again to figure out why I came in here in the first place. I looked around and spotted my makeup bag and took it with me into my bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror and what I felt on the inside was starting to get the best of me. Stress, tired, weak, and damaged goods. I was the girl that was passed around like nothing about her mattered, they took every part of her.  I was meant to be torn up and discarded, who can make someone worth nothing, put back together the pieces,  and make one whole again? There were gray spots under my eyes and my lips had darkened. I applied foundation all over my face, with some mascara and eye liner. I lightened my lips with a natural nude color to not go too heavy on the makeup. I hear a knock at my door, and I walk out of my bathroom to my bedroom to see who it was, "Yes?" I call out, and in comes Lauretta. Her first impression of me is to look me up and down, in a nonchalant way, before saying, "So ... How'd you sleep last night?" "The same way I slept the night before?" "... How'd you sleep then?" "The same way the day before then." I say rolling my eyes and sighing long enough for both of us to hear my annoyance with her coming at me with these questions.

"I genuinely want to know how you've been holding up." "Nothing has changed, Lauretta. Is that genuinely enough information for you?" I grab my textbooks from underneath my bed and stuff them into my bag, and got up from the floor to see that she wasn't on the other side of the room and the door was left open.

****

After school Heath, Lauretta, and I headed over to youth group an hour after school ended. I hadn't gone to youth in a few years, and going back wasn't so thrilling, I wasn't up for seeing old faces again, because I wonder what they'll say about me. We arrive in the church parking lot, and outside the church doors greeting us is the lead pastor. He hands us sermon notes and welcomes us. Inside people are standing around talking to one another and walking down. My sister and brother are approached by some other teens here they know, I could be following along with them to introduce myself, but I'd rather take a seat in the back. I walk a few aisles back while someone is walking out of another, we cross paths and bump into one another. I look up to see its Augustus and he is holding me in his hands to keep me from falling.

"Hey!" He says cheerfully.

"Hi?" I say confusingly squinting at him.

"It's Augustus ... from school, remember?"

"Yeah, I know ... just didn't expect to see you here today."

"Life is full of surprises. You new here?"

"Sort of ..." I say, backing away from his arms locked around me. He puts his hands down, when he realizes what I'm doing.

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's fine." I say looking away. I start to walk away and he interrupts me from moving any further.

"Hey, it's sort of a tradition here to share our testimony with a guess to make them feel we can openly discuss personal things about ourselves. You don't mind me sharing my story do you?" He seems so persistent, it's hard to shut him down without thinking it would be rude to do so. I take a deep breath, and for once not put up a wall.

"Go for it."

"Cool. Uhh where should I start? ... So I grew up in a Christian home, but I hadn't really understood or accepted the gospel until later when my mother sent me to this Christian summer camp with my sister at this church when I was 15. I grew up without my dad in my life, and I looked up to other males that weren't necessarily a very good influence on my life. I got into a lot of fights at school, stealing, cursing, and I have anger issues that I'm working out.... Going to that camp I learned about Jesus dying for our sins and knowing that I am imperfect, and trusting in Jesus who is perfect and loving, I wanted to do good, go to heaven, and make better choices and be a leader, because that's what God has called me to be." He said satisfied and waiting for a response from me. It sounded rehearsed, but it doesn't mean it isn't true.