Play!

LXIII

“Brett! Eddy!”

They were both sitting at the first desk and tightening their bows when Mr. Thames came up to them. 
“Yeah?”, Brett blurted out, his preoccupied mind unable to form a polite sentence. Ever since that fateful photograph had been taken, it lived rent free in Brett’s brain with an exquisite first person point of view without Brett even having to pull out his phone. 
“About the movement you’re going to play tomorrow, you can tell me your decision after rehearsals this evening, alright? Just come find me afterwards.”
They nodded and the conductor shot them an encouraging smile before he jumped off stage to talk to Mr. Jones. 

“You nervous?”
Brett threw a glance at his deskie while plucking at his strings to quickly check the intonation. “About now or tomorrow?”
“Both?”
“Hmm, not so much now. And feeling okayish for tomorrow, but I know that’s gonna change. Got pretty good tips from Ben though, so there’s not much more I can do other than practice.”
“What did he say?”, the taller wanted to know, a curious smile playing around his lips. 
Brett gulped and looked away. “Told me to imagine my happy place and try breathing methods to calm me down. I should also put my violin away shortly before a concert when it’s really bad.”
“Oh, interesting.”
“Right? Especially the not touching the violin part.”
“But it kinda makes sense thinking about it”, Eddy meant, his expression pensive, “And what’s your happy place?”
Brett almost dropped his bow upon hearing Eddy’s question. 
“Mi- mine?”
“Yeah.”

Shit. Shitty shit! Telling his crush the very thought of everything and anything related to him being the best antidote for Brett’s pre-performance anxiety was so not on, but what else was he gonna say? Lying was off the table, as Brett realized just this moment. He’d been more honest to Eddy than to anyone else when talking about serious matters (except with Cole maybe, but that was because he was the only guy Brett could vent his feelings to) and he had no intention to change that, ever!

So in the end, the only thing Brett disclosed was, “It’s not really bound to a place. More to an individual…”
“Uhhh, who? Tell me! Tell me!”, Eddy urged, slightly jumping up and down on his chair and thus strongly giving off little brother vibes. 
“Nah! Not happening!”, Brett turned away, enjoying letting the other squirm for a bit. 
“Come on! I doubt it’s your mum! Or maybe, it is?”
“It’s not her! And it’s none of your business!”, Brett said, despite it being all of Eddy’s business, actually.

Fortunately for Brett, there was no time left for Eddy to press further. Rehearsal was about to start and Brett even volunteered to play first to get it over with. It was the third movement anyway, not the one he had to worry about tomorrow. They tuned, Eddy shot him a meaningful, encouraging look before Mr. Thames signaled the starting cue and off they went, sending the galloping horses over a wide prairie.

“Brett! How did it go?”
As soon as Mr. Thames had let them off for a short break, Cole slipped to Brett’s side, voice toned down only for his friend to hear. 
“Uhm, good I guess? You just heard me, no?”
“Not that!”, Cole shook his head and the next words came out in a hissed whisper, “With Eddy!”
“Oh…” Brett threw a quick look around. Eddy was still sitting at his spot, quietly going over the finger patterns of the third movement. A few chairs further, Katie was talking to her deskie while subtly eyeing Brett.
“Uhm, outside?”
“Sure!”, Cole nodded enthusiastically. Damn, since when had that guy become so nosy?
“Eddy, I’ll be back in a minute. You need anything?”
“Nah, I’m good. Thanks”, Eddy replied without looking up, fingers still gracefully flying over the fingerboard. 

Cole’s “And?” reverberated through the hallway, his impatient stare on Brett. 
“Nothing to tell, really…”
“Come on! What happened? You went to his dorm, no?”
“Well...” 
Brett tried, he did, but he felt a huge smile breaking out before he could contain the damned thing. 
Cole’s expression matched his in an instant. “God, you’re falling hard for him, aren’t you?”
“Shut up! How would you feel if someone would go all out and get stuff so you can cook dinner together?”
“Damn, he did that?”
“Fried rice. It was edible, if you were wondering.”
“Was my next question, exactly”, Cole grinned, “So, you enjoyed yourself?”
It had been the fucking highlight of Brett’s day, including his decent performance of the third movement, if he might say so himself. 

However, there was just one problem.
“What am I gonna do, Cole?”, he groaned, “How am I supposed to act normal around him if he does all these nice things?”
“Maybe you don’t have to be normal”, Cole shrugged, “And for Eddy to prepare something like this… Brett!” He grabbed Brett’s shoulders, eyes burning into his, “I hate… nah, I actually love breaking that to you, but have you considered that he might like you-”
“Nah!”, Brett cut in, louder than he intended and made some nearby students on their way back into the concert hall jump. “Don’t do that to me, Cole”, he said a bit quieter, pulling Cole further into some corner next to a closet, “It’s hard for me to not get my hopes up and if you add oil into the-”
“Fire of passion-”
“Flames of destruction”, Brett rectified with an icy gaze, “it’ll literally destroy me.”
“But-”
“No buts! I’m like his best friend. And he told me that this is really special for him. He’s just enjoying the company, nothing else.”
Cole leaned back and brushed through his blond strands, a frown between his brows. “Are you not a bit too harsh to the reality?”
“This IS the fucking reality and the sooner I get to terms with it, the better”, Brett explained, his good mood from minutes ago completely vapourized. Because that was all that this was, right? Whatever warm, fuzzy feelings home-cooked meals, genuine smiles, thoughtful actions and selfies to remember till all eternity sparked, if Eddy would find out how Brett really saw him, saw him as more than just a best bro, he'd recoil into the furthest corner of the con so he wouldn't so much as accidentally cross eyes with Brett for sure.
“Why? Why are you not allowed to have hope? Dream a bit?” 
Brett closed his eyes and sighed. “I told you. It’ll wreck me.”

Cole had his lips pursed in doubt, his features matching Brett’s once again for a brief moment, before determination took over. “Nah! Brett! I won’t accept your miserable state! I’m gonna be an advocate for hope here, if you like it or not!”
Brett blankly blinked at his friend. Never in the years he’d known Cole had he ever seen him like this. To be fair, normally it was Brett who was the glass-half-full kinda type, seeing things more optimistic than others. 
Not in this matter however. He couldn’t find it in him to try. There was too much fear of the pain any disappointment would cause because he knew, never had a person meant more to him than Eddy Chen. And if this person would reject him in any way…

Cole put a reassuring, grounding hand on Brett’s shoulder. “Have some faith, will ya!”
Brett shook his head, the “I can’t” getting stuck in his dry throat.