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XLIX

“Uhm…”, Brett stuttered, mind blank as all the computing power of his brain was working on deciphering Eddy’s question. 
“This!”, Eddy declared and took Brett’s hand again without warning, holding it tight in his own, big palms, “You don’t? This is not what happens every time you step into a club?”
“Why… no. It’s not”, he shook his head, “Of course not!”
Why on earth was Eddy asking this? Wasn’t this about Brett overstepping some boundary or pushing Eddy to get out of his shell too fast? Why did it matter whether or not this was Brett’s usual move?

And if it didn’t matter, why had Brett had to assure Eddy that he wasn’t like this just minutes ago, downstairs?

Eddy withdrew his hand, leaving Brett's cold, limp. “It sure as hell seemed like it.”
“I’m telling you”, Brett croaked, “It’s not…”
“Then why did you like… hold me and stuff?”, Eddy raised his voice, “Just to teach me how to dance? Or are you making fun of me? Or… fuck!”
It was like there was a knife stabbing Brett’s belly, churning around in his guts when Eddy slumped down on his bed, face buried in his hands. And never in his life had Brett felt as helpless and useless as right this moment, seeing a wonderful person hurt just because…. just because…

“I’m sorry”, Eddy’s muffled voice said, “I’m not making any sense. It’s just normal and I don’t get why I’m so worked up about this! But it’s not your problem… please just…” A shuddering intake of breath. “Can we just forget about it?”
“No, Eddy, we can’t”, Brett found himself saying, finally bringing his vocal chords to function.
Eddy glanced up. “Why?”
“It makes you upset. And you shouldn’t be.” In fact, he should never be. “That’s why.”

It was silent for a long moment, Eddy looking at his knees and Brett at him, figuring out what he could say or what Eddy needed to hear. In the end though, it was nothing but the truth he had to offer.
“Eddy, to be honest, I’m not really sure what’s going on either. I’m normally not like this. I mean, I go out and stuff and I do like partying, but I’m not the touchy guy. You can ask Cole.”
Eddy was still busy staring at his knees.
“And I’m also not that drunk. I had like half a beer and I tried to think about why I acted like this the whole evening. All I can say is…”

This. This took everything, every ounce of courage Brett could muster to say it outloud. To Eddy and to himself. 

“I did it because I wanted to.”

Eddy’s head shot up, a confused frown in-between his brows. “Huh?”
“Yeah…”, Brett sighed and drew a hand over his face, “It doesn’t make it okay, I’m aware. I shouldn’t have just, like, touched you and stuff without asking first. It’s inappropriate anyway and I can’t stress enough how sorry I am. The last thing I want is to hurt you, let alone use you or anything. But I guess, what I want to say is, I simply couldn’t help it.”

And what the fuck all of this meant wasn’t something his anxious ass wanted to think about right now, if ever. 

“You wanted to?”, Eddy finally breathed.
Brett nodded heavily, like he was confirming someone’s death.
“Why?”
Why, oh why? Again, not exactly what Brett wished to ponder upon.
“I don’t know. Maybe, part of me wants you to have fun, so you can fix this emotion-thing in your playing. This was the initial motivation, I guess. But then, I kinda went on autopilot.”
“Oh, okay…”
“But, that doesn’t mean…. I mean… I didn’t really think about it before I dragged you onto the dance floor.”
“Yeah… yeah, of course!” Eddy shook his head as if he was waking up from a stupor, “Makes sense. Who would, right? We were just having fun and for the record, I did have fun.”

Brett wasn’t sure anymore if their conversation was going the right direction. It sounded well and all, but it felt off. He frowned. 
“Eddy, for what it’s worth, even in that setting, this is not what I normally do. I must… I think I really appreciate you. Maybe that’s why I held you and all. I just can’t think of a logical explanation right now and it kinda kills me, but I need you to know that I care a great deal about you.”
More than Eddy knew. Perhaps more than Brett himself knew.

“Remember how I told you it was okay? Shortly before Katie came?”
“Uh” Brett’s forehead creased as he tried to remember the particular scene with the flickering lights and thundering beats, him staggering back upon realizing where his hands had gone and Eddy’s surprised, beautiful eyes blinking rapidly at him. 
“I meant it, you know. When I said it was fine.”
Brett gulped. “Oh?”
“So you don’t need to worry about having crossed a line or something. I could have pulled away long before or told you if I didn’t want that. I would have.”
“Oh”, Brett made again.

Eddy had been okay with it. He’d been okay with it!

“Where does this leave us now?”, Brett asked blatantly, all energy suddenly drained after this hell of a day and having at least one major burden lifted. 
Eddy’s genuine, kind smile was everything. “I’d say we’re good.”
“You sure?”, he had to make sure. 
The other nodded. “I am.”
“And it doesn’t…” Brett wanted to know. He had to know. “It doesn’t weird you out?”
“What? That you like a to shake a leg or two with me?”, Eddy grinned and thus further relieved Brett’s heart from heavy stones. He reached out and took Brett’s hand for the dozenth time today. “Or that you’re the physical type when it comes to me?”
Brett blushed hard and thanked God Eddy only had his desk lamp lighting the room while his ears got so hot they burnt. He tried to deadpan over it by snorting, “Dude…”
“What?”
“You don’t mince words, hey.”
The corners of Eddy’s mouth lifted themselves even more. “Not when it’s important.”

The word "important" still resonated within Brett as Eddy tugged at his hand, prompting Brett to sit down next to him on his bed.
“I’m sorry”, Eddy mumbled and softly laid an arm around Brett’s frame and kind of on the violin case Brett was still carrying. Brett froze, despite the storm of angels singing carols of joy, filling his headspace with a misty, weird, fuzzy fog.
“I shouldn’t have assumed the worst and walk away.”
Brett attempted to swallow down the huge clump in his throat. He failed terribly. 
“It’s fine. I probably would have too. I’m sorry.”

They sat there like this, Eddy’s arm not lowering itself and after what felt like an eternity of his heartbeat going through the roof, Brett laid his head on Eddy’s shoulder, relishing the small squeeze the taller gave him to show that it was indeed, all good.

A/N: Imma gonna stop apologizing at this point and I hope this chapter makes up for the wait XD.