Game Over

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Have you talked to them?" Lui asked again.

I just gave him a small smile. Hindi ko pa rin nakaka-usap sina Alisha. I really wanted to... but I guess I was just afraid of the other possibility. Na what if mas magalit lang sila sa akin? I didn't want to deal with that. Especially not now na sobrang dami kong iniisip at para na akong nalulunod sa thought na malapit na iyong BAR exam.

"Let's go," narinig kong sabi ng kaibigan ni Lui.

Lui looked at them, and then threw me a look. "No, it's fine. Una na kayo," he told them as he stayed behind the classroom with me.

Normally, I'd tell him to go with his friends. Ayos lang naman kasi talaga sa akin na dito na lang kumain. I didn't want to eat outside with the risk na makita ko iyong sis ko. It was just too... suffocating for some reason.

But I did tell him that before.

And he'd always give me the same response—just smiling at me and then asking me kung ano ang gusto kong kainin for lunch.

"Lui," I called.

"Yeah?" he replied habang nasa phone niya pa rin siya at tumitingin ng pwede niyang orderin para sa pagkain namin. It had been a few weeks since we started doing this. Papalapit na rin iyong pagtatapos nung pre-bar review namin.

"San ka for the BAR review proper?" I asked.

"Haven't decided yet," he replied. "Ikaw?"

"Hindi ko pa rin sigurado," I told him. "But maybe not Jury. Nandon sila Alisha."

Napa-hinto si Lui sa paggamit sa phone niya, pero hindi siya tumingin sa akin. "You won't go there just because of them?" he asked.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita agad.

"It's the best review center," sabi niya sa akin.

"Yeah but... I'd argue na nasa tao pa rin naman 'yan," I told him as I rested my back against the chair. "Kahit gaano naman kagaling iyong review center, kung hindi rin naman ako mag-aaral nang mabuti, useless din."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa isip ni Lui. Hawak niya pa rin iyong cellphone niya. Hindi siya naka-tingin sa akin. Wala rin siyang ginagawa sa phone niya. It was just like he was in deep thoughts... and what I'd give to know what's going on in his mind.

"Why are you so scared to talk to them?" he asked, now looking at me. I always lose my breath whenever he'd look at me like that. I had to close my eyes to compose myself.

"Hindi naman ako takot," sabi niya.

"Then why haven't you talked to them yet? It's been weeks."

I drew a deep breath. "I know."

"Won't the rift get bigger? Kapag mas pinatagal mo pa?"

"I know."

"Then why?" he asked.

Hindi ako maka-sagot.

Because if I did as he ask... if I talk shit about him with my friends, I knew that I should stop seeing him myself. Kasi mas magagalit lang sila sa akin kapag nagsinungaling ako sa kanila.

Kapag naman sinabi ko na wala lang iyong sa amin ni Lui, alam ko na sila Fria naman iyong magagalit sa akin kasi bakit mas pinili ko si Lui kaysa sa mga sis namin.

It's just... a lot to think about.

And I just wanted not to think about that.

"I don't know," I said. "It's a girl thing."