"It comes and goes in waves
It always does, always does
We watch as our young hearts fade
Into the flood, into the flood"
• Season 1-?
• Based on the show 'The Summer I Turned Pretty'
• Conrad Fisher x Fem oc
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ONE MONTH AGO
Everyone was surprised when it happened, and even when it became inevitable, a fact, they never really believed it. It seemed impossible. Not their Susannah, not Beck. You always hear about people getting better, beating the odds. Sarah was sure Susannah would be one of them. Even if it was only a one in a million chance. She was one in a million.
Things deteriorated rapidly. So bad that Jackie was shuttling between Susannah's house in Boston and her own house, every other weekend at first and then more frequently. She had to take a leave of absence from work and had a room at Susannah's house.
The call came early in the morning, while It was still dark outside. It was bad news, of course; bad news is the only kind that can't wait. As soon as Sarah heard the phone ring, even in her sleep, she knew. Susannah was gone.
Sarah laid there in her bed, waiting for her mother to come and tell her. She could hear her moving around in her room, heard the shower running.
When Jackie didn't come, Sarah went to her room. The older woman was packing, her hair still wet. She looked over at her daughter, her eyes tired and empty.
"Beck's gone." She spoke. And that was it.
Sarah felt her insides sink, her knees to. She sat on the ground, against the wall, letting it support her. She thought she knew what heartbreak felt like. She thought heartbreak was her, standing alone at the prom. That was nothing. This, this was heartbreak. The pain in her chest, the ache behind her eyes. The knowing that things would never be the same again. It's all relative. You think you know love; you think you know real pain, but you don't.
You don't know anything.
Sarah wasn't sure when she started crying. Once she started, she couldn't stop. She couldn't breathe.
Jackie crossed the room and knelt on the floor with Sarah, hugging, rocking her daughter back and forth. But she didn't cry. She wasn't even there. She was an upright reed, an empty harbor.
Jackie drove up to Boston that same day. The only reason she had been at home that day was to check on Sarah and get a change of clothes. She thought there would be more time. She should have been there when Susannah died, if only for the boys.
In her best professional voice, she told Liam and Sarah that they would drive themselves up in two days, the day of the funeral. She didn't want them in the way of funeral preparations; there was a lot of work to be done. Ends in needs of trying.
Jackie had been named executor of the will, and of course Susannah had known exactly what she was doing when she picked the Campbell woman. It was true that there was no one better for the job, and they had been going over things even before Susannah died. But even more than that, Jackie was at her best when she was busy, doing things. She did not fall apart, not when she needed. No, she rose to the occasion.
