The Things We Leave Behind

Chapter 4

My English lesson flew by quickly and then we had lunch. I walked into the cafeteria and immediately spotted Lana. She was waving her arm violently at me. I smile and sit down with her. She's got a chicken burger for lunch from the cafeteria. I just grabbed a grilled chicken salad. They've got a number of really good-looking options, but I didn't feel like eating. I never really do. But today I really don't feel like eating, especially after seeing Logan. I feel the guilt in my stomach form into a little knot, as it squeezes itself, threatening to make me throw up.

I look back up at Lana and she's smiling at me, with a wide grin while her mouth is full of food. I could get used to seeing her smile like that. Her being happy made me feel happy. Which is weird because I've only known her for about an hour.

"How was math?" she asks, between bites of food.

"Pretty shitty," I say as I dig into my salad. "I suck at math, and I didn't really pay attention to what we were doing anyway."

"What are you good at?" she asks, her mouth full of food as she eyes me, curiously, trying to figure me out.

"Not really anything. There wasn't much to do back home. I'm here for acting and writing courses so I guess that's what I'm good at. I read a lot. I guess I can kinda write?" I tell her with a shrug. I like writing and acting a lot. It gives me a sense of purpose and control. Like I can be whoever I want to be without the restrictions of my actual life getting in the way. When I act, I'm not Cassie. I'm Juliet, waiting for Romeo. I'm Antigone, trying to give her brother a proper goodbye. I'm Ophelia, who's betrothal ends up being her cause of demise. The list goes on.

"Acting's fun. I took drama classes when I was seven. I quit after Tony Broncho threw up on me when we were on stage together. He still can't look me in the eye until this day," she scans the room, looking for someone. When her eyes settle on a tall boy with dark hair, she waves at him. "Hey Tony!" The boy looks down and grabs his back and sprints out of the cafeteria. I burst out laughing. Lana joins in and soon we are the subjects of almost everyone's gazes. Including someone who I don't want to speak to.

Logan wanders over towards me and Lana. Shit. Fuck. God fucking damn it. His face is a mix of confusion and anger as he reaches our table. I try to not look him in the eye and instead look behind him. I see the table he came from. It looks like it's the football team. They're all wearing their jackets with the school colours and logo on them. They're all watching Logan and me. They see me looking at all quickly avert their gazes back to their lunch.

I look up at Logan's face and immediately regret it. His blue eyes are my favourite thing in the world. They always have been. I told him I loved his eyes once. He hugged me and said he loved everything about me.

He clears this throat and runs his hands through his hair. His blonde hair is darker than when I last saw him. "Cassandra?" he asks. He never uses my full name. It was always Cas. "Can we speak. Outside. Now?"

"Is there a please in there?" I state, as I take another bite of my salad, while I keep his eye contact. For the love of God there better not be salad dressing on my face. He takes a deep breath and speaks again through gritted teeth. "Please." His jaw is clenched, and his hands are in tight little balls, causing his knuckles to go white.

I drop my fork and close up the salad, tossing it into my bag. I stand up and say bye to Lana, telling her I'll see her later. She quickly writes down her number on a napkin for me to add to my phone in case I need to text her about homework later. We both know it's code for tell me what Logan wants.

I pull my bag onto my shoulder and walk out of the cafeteria. Some girls glare daggers at me as Logan trails behind me. If they want him so much, they can have him. I exit the cafeteria and walk outside into the chill Autumn air. I cross my arms over my chest, protectively. Gus says when I'm angry or sad, I start picking at my fingers as I start to breath faster, making my breathing a dead giveaway.

Logan shuts the door behind him and turns to face me. I raise my eyebrows at him, urging him to go on. When he doesn't say anything, I scoff. I start to move my feet and begin to walk to my last period of the day. Logan grabs my wrist and spins me back towards him and slams his lips onto mine. Um... excuse me what the actual fuck was that?

It's a few seconds before I can process what's happening and once I do, I quickly pull my face aways from his as I jump backwards. I slap him in the face. Not hard enough that he needs to go to the nurse but hard enough to slap some fucking sense into him.

"What the actual fuck, Logan," I yell.

"Just checking to make sure this is real," he explains with his hand covering the spot on his face where I slapped him. It better fucking hurt, you piece of shit.

"You couldn't have just pinched yourself like everyone else, you psycho?" I scoff, wiping my mouth. "What the hell did you want to talk about? Or are you just gonna stand there and gawk like the dumbass person you are?"

"Jesus, Cas. What's with the hostility?"

"You're a fucking douchebag. That's why."

"Why are you here?" He asks. Avoiding the douchebag comment. He didn't deny it.

"I got a scholarship to NYU for one day a week, and I needed a place to stay so your mom volunteered. I guess she didn't tell you, huh." I explain looking at the pavement. Seven cracks in one block.

"Nope," he responds.

It's silent.

"Well," I say. "See you at home." I turn and walk to class. 

A/N

Hey guys. Sorry I didn't update when I said I was going to. I hadn't written all weekend and now it's Friday night and I've nothing to do. I love writing but sometimes, after school, it can be really exhausting just thinking about picking up my laptop to write. How was everyone's week? I got some exam notifications from my teachers which sucks because exam season is nearing. But once exams are over, holidays begin... for 2 weeks. Better than nothing. If anyone needs to someone to talk or vent to, please feel free to message me privately. I'm not an expert but its better to talk to someone then to not to. Have a great weekend and don't forget to share this story and vote!!