I Am Bailey Bennett. [LGBT]

Beautiful

"You are beautiful."

Look at me. Beauty all over. My ballerina like feet, so clean but blistered from dancing, the nails nicely trimmed. Then these legs. The cleanly shaven, smooth and silky legs like a dancer's, so long and pretty like porcelain. My hips are curved, ready to hold any child and move to any song against yours. My waist, so flat and soft and slender. Any girl would kill to have my wonderful waist. Leading up to my smooth chest, my breasts being so small but that doesn't matter. They're soft and warm to touch. My arms are so toned and smooth, like my legs and these delicate, pianist fingers are so long and pretty. My chin is pointed like the tip of a heart, my cheek bones high. My smile spreads wide across my face and my nose is straight and smooth. These ice blue eyes are large and intense, like they're naturally lined with makeup, but indeed they're not. Long lashes girls get jealous over brush over them, nice and thick like my clean cut black hair, as black as the night sky.

"You are beautiful."

I look at myself in the mirror, my body naked in front of the reflective glass.

I am hideous.

There is something wrong with me. Anyone could tell just by looking at me. My feet are long but narrow. My legs are so lanky and have no muscle, no strength. These hips are large, too large for my narrow waist. My buttocks sticks out too much and is too round. My waist has no muscle either and is too hourglass-like. My chest is the worst. No one has a chest like this. No one. These breasts are not right. Then this neck is too skinny and long, making me look uneven. My arms are lanky as well and also don't have muscle. My fingers are too delicate to be good for sports or anything laborious. My chin is too pointed and sharp. My cheekbones too sharp, too high. This nose is too small to the rest of my face. My bottom lip is plump and my upper not as plump, giving another uneven look, too. They're a pale pink, too pink for me and yet they're almost white like my skin. My smile spreads too far. My eyes are too big and my lashes too long. Anyone can tell I don't wear makeup, but my eyes appear large and noticeable the way girls want their eyes to look when they wear makeup. Then my hair is so soft and fine, too soft and fine for me.

I am hideous.

I hardly look down below my waist, right at my genitalia. This is where I go wrong, so wrong. I have hardly any hair and it's all so messed up. I'm afraid to know what it looks like inside. Do I have a uterus, too? Or ovaries?

I am a boy.

My genitalia is male, at least on the outside. I have a penis, and it's not the largest but it's not embarrassingly small. Though then comes my scrotum, and it's kind of divided to look like labia. Labia. Women have labia. Women have breasts. They can't produce milk or anything, but they are larger than a boy's pectorals. They are very small breasts, bigger than some girls' but not many. They are like that of a girl's who is in the training bra process. Not quite an A-cup, but almost, and for all I know they could continue to grow. Then this waist. For a girl it would be beautiful, but not on me. I am a boy, at least I think. I have too many feminine characteristics. My face is girly. Everything is. I'm a girly boy, but I don't mean to be.

I do not want to look like this. Yes, I am gay, but that doesn't mean I want to look like a girl. The stereotype of gay males is that they are limp-wristed, feminine, and weak. It's a stereotype, and in every stereotype there lies some truth, but most gay males are not feminine. Even if they are feminine, they eventually grow out of that. If they act girly and adorable they mature out of that. I won't. My breasts might grow bigger, which is my worst fear. They're not actual "breasts" but it just happens that my pectorals are larger than normal. If I wear a tight shirt and turn to the side, you can see a slight curve. Girls are curvy. I am a boy and I am curvy.

I am hideous.

I am not suppose to be this way. I want someone to call me beautiful, but no one ever has. Not even my own parents. Maybe when I was younger. When I was younger I looked normal, but then puberty came along and that's when I realized what I really am. A hideous hermaphrodite. What a disgusting word. It's not even accurate. I'm not even accurate obviously!

All I want is for someone to call me beautiful. I want them to see me for me. I don't want them to see these male parts intertwined with these female parts. I want them to see a beautiful person. I want them to say "Bailey Bennett is beautiful."

"Bailey Bennett is beautiful."

"You are beautiful."

I am Bailey Bennett.