Chapter 33: The First Round

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A/N: Since I've got midterms this week and next, I decided to give you guys a short chapter early! That being said, hopefully this one isn't too upsetting :( Hang in there guys, I promise things will work out for Kelsey and Jake! Anyways, let me know what you think and what you'd like to see continue to happen! Thank you :)

Kelsey wasn't looking forward to Monday. Not in any capacity. The weekend had been something out of a dream—or a dream of a dream. It felt surreal, like it was a million miles from where she was at now. It felt like she was just going to combust on the spot now and all of the hope that she had felt, it wasn't with her right now.

Things were quiet, when they woke up.

Things were quiet during breakfast, at the crack of dawn. She had barely been able to stomach a yogurt, staring at the car keys on the counter like it was some sort of executioner.

She had said that she wanted to fight. She had said that she wanted to do this, wanted to take the chemotherapy, wanted to do things to get better—

But this just felt like something out of a nightmare.

As she just stared at those damn car keys in the dim light of morning, she thought of her mom. She thought of her mom, getting up and going to the chemotherapy. And Kelsey would go to see her when she got out of school early. She would read to her and pretend like things were going to get better.

They both knew that it wouldn't.

But this was not then.

And her mother was not with her.

As she stared at those keys, she felt something atop her head. She didn't have to glance up to know that Jake was pressing a kiss to the top of her head, hand entwining with hers as he gave her a hug.

"Don't overthink it."

"Do I really think that loudly?"

"If you have to ask, what do you think, Bambi?" Jake gave her a grin and pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose.

"I guess I think loudly." Kelsey mumbled, taking his hand in hers as she got out of the chair.

"I'll get the car started."

"Okay."

And then he was gone. She didn't know what to say. Didn't know how to make things feel better—for her or for him. The simple fact of the matter was that this was something out of their hands. This wasn't something that she could just will to get better. Even though she wanted to.

The car ride was quiet too.

She could feel the silence settling between the two of them. It was like a heavy anchor, weighing them both down. They had been on top of the world over the weekend, full of light and laughter and all sorts of dreams and plans and now—now it all just felt so far out of reach.

When they finally got to the hospital and Jake moved to get out, Kelsey didn't. She just sat there and she stared at the damn sign like it was going to swallow her whole. And maybe it was. Maybe this was the thing of her nightmares, the very thing that had caused Jake Seresin to comfort her in the middle of the night first—

Because she had always just been a scared little girl who wanted her mom.

The car door shut again and when she glanced over, Jake was back and sitting in the driver's seat. "You're scared," he said quietly.

She didn't even have it within her to reply in a snarky manner—though her brain certainly thought of a few responses.

Kelsey could only nod, the feeling of her throat closing up seeming to appear out of nowhere. "I don't—I can't—"

He just took her hand in his and he pressed it gently to his lips. Giving each finger a butterfly kiss, Jake just looked at the woman who he loved more than life itself. "It's just one day at a time, okay? One thing at a time."

"I wish I could just punch this in the face and have it all over with." Kelsey admitted, letting out a shuddering breath and leaning against him.

His forehead against hers, Jake just held her face tenderly in his hands. "That's exactly what you're gonna do. You're gonna give cancer hell, okay? Be the thing that it has nightmares of."

She almost laughed at that, a weary smile on her face. "Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her nurse was the first person that Kelsey had met inside of the hospital that didn't make her anxious. Her name was Layla Rhodes and she had the prettiest smile that Kelsey had ever seen.

About five minutes in, and with the IV already in, Kelsey and Layla had struck up a small sort of friendship. "Where's your favorite place you've traveled?" Layla questioned, bringing Kelsey over a blanket.

"What?"

Layla blushed ever so slightly, ducking her head down in embarrassment. "I've seen your videos. Where's your favorite place?"

Kelsey didn't feel weird about the interaction—it actually gave her something to ground herself with. "That's a hard question. I've been to a lot of places. Have you traveled much?"

"Can't say that I have," Layla busied herself around the room, tidying up after a few other patients. "I've never left the US. I'd like to go somewhere though."

"Where?"

"Tropics. I love the beach."

"You and everyone in California," Kelsey grinned slightly. "I think I liked Austria most."

"You haven't posted in a while," Layla said, taking a seat across from her for a moment.

"No, I haven't," Kelsey admitted quietly. "Doesn't really feel like something that people will want to see."

"They'll need to see it." Layla said softly. "I think people like you—reminding us that we're human and that there's hope in the everyday life—that's what makes other people remember what's most important."

Kelsey thought about those words all day. She also thought about Layla encouraging her to write down the things that she was grateful for. And the simple fact of the matter was that Kelsey felt like she had a lot to be grateful for.

She was grateful for her family—her very weird, very large, very complex, very non-traditional family. Family that she had chosen and that had chosen her. She was grateful for her friends, however far across the world they all were. She was grateful for love and for sunshine—

For popsicles snuck in by nurses who apparently really like the Strawberry flavor.

And for now, that was enough.

It was enough to just bring a smile to her face. And to remind her that this was temporary. That it wouldn't be forever. And for now—it would do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kelsey lay securely tucked in Jake's arms on the couch, a movie mindlessly playing in the background. He held her hand entwined in his, and occasionally played with a strand of her hair.

Today had been quiet.

It had been quiet when he watched her in that chair. It had been quiet when he helped her out to the car and it had been quiet while he made dinner and while she had slept—because she was utterly exhausted and spent.

But now things were just comfortable and peaceful. And somehow it all just felt wrong. Because where Kelsey was, life existed and passion existed. Where Kelsey was, there was always some sort of laughter and sunshine and a way to make him want to talk for hours and hours. And that wasn't what this was.

His hand traced the lines on her palm—as if trying to memorize every single second that she was with him. Even if she wasn't really all there. Every minute meant something. Every damn second with her was worth a lifetime of grief if that's what it took.

"You're the best part of my life, Jake Seresin," Kelsey murmured, leaning up and pressing a kiss onto his lips. "You know that?"

"And you're mine," He murmured back to her. "You're mine." 

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