Okay everyone. I need to vent. I wasn't supposed to write another chapter today, my goal is to write one every day. Sometimes I will lack. Like last chapter was supposed to be posted last night but out of nowhere, I fell asleep because I was exhausted and today my body is just telling me to fuck off and dive into a pile of yellow snow. And this probably will be a little confusing for you all since you don't know my background story with mental health issues. But let's explain it like this. I know my body very well. I know every little sign, every little feeling. I know it. And I know exactly why I'm feeling a certain way or why my body reacts in that way and in this way. I know it inside and out. I know every little detail and every little clue it's giving me. That is the upside from having suffered from severe mental health issues and an eating disorder. When you are out of it, you know yourself like it was your best friend. You know your body so well it's honestly annoying sometimes.
And today, I've been feeling extremely and insanely low. To a point where I don't want to smile. I don't want to be polite. I don't want to stand up. I don't want to make chit chat. I don't want to work. I just don't want to do anything but be by myself and fucking sleep. I know it's time to either slow down or just take a second when I'm getting bloated for no reason, my digestion system stops working and I feel like it's hard to breathe, not because I have anxiety because that's a different shortness of breath. I know the difference. It's not the same as it was today. It's like I have this brick on top of my chest that weighs me down and I feel like I need to take a deep breath every other minute or do like a stretch or something, crack my back. Just to get some sort of relief.
I know I'm drinking enough water, I'm moving my body 30 minutes a day. I have been a little sloppy with my meals this week. I'll admit that. And that might have something to do with the low energy. And well, it's been a lot this past week. Starting this whole advertising thing, keeping it a secret from family, learning new things, it takes a lot of energy and it consumes my brain. Like I said in the last chapter, it's all I can think about.
I guess what I wanted you to get from this short chapter is that it is okay to have days where you don't feel aligned with your body and don't do what I do, overthink it and let that consume you. Because as soon as I feel like I'm not aligned with my body it drags me down to the bottom of the ground. And I have to remind myself that it is okay to have days where I'm not at my best. I still show up at work, I still show up at the gym, I still try and I don't let it keep me from living. Maybe I keep my mind from living but at least I push through. And I want you guys to know that no matter how uncomfortable you feel in your body, it is okay. Everyone has those days. Even someone like me who is overall very confident and comfortable with who I am and what I look like. I still have days where I feel like my body is failing me. And that is okay.
It is okay, it is okay, it is okay, it is okay. IT IS OKAY!
VOUS LISEZ
The world of my inner | journal
Non-FictionYou may know me as the writer behind the account "fresh_avacado". You may have read my stories or you may not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are here and you are reading this introduction. Because this is the most important book I wil...
