Where Our Tempo Flies

01

Baby

"How's school, Hya?" Tito Grant asked me. 

Sumulyap pa muna ako kay Mama na tahimik lamang na kumakain bago sagutin si Tito. "Ayos naman po. The project you helped me with got a perfect score." Ngumiti ako sa kaniya.

Tito smiled as well. He looked amused. "Good. If you need my help again, you should tell me right away." 

Tumango naman ako. "Salamat po, Tito," agap ko.

Tito Grant may be the second husband of my mother, but he never made me feel like I don't belong in this family. Siya ang rason kung bakit kahit paano ay hindi ko masyadong iniisip ang pagkawala ni Papa. 

I was so young back then. And I didn't exactly know what happened. I woke up with pain all over my body along with the news that my father is already gone. I was so much affected by that news. Aside from that, there's nothing else I can remember.

But all I can remember...that's when I started being alone. Natuto akong buksan ang isip ko sa murang edad. I learned how to cope with the strange feeling I felt when my Papa died. 

I thought it was only him who left me...but then...I realized my mother did, too. 

Hindi naging madali no'ng una, pero no'ng dumating si Tito Grant...naging maayos naman. Mama's anger towards me grew bigger as I grow up, though Tito Grant is always there to moderate it. 

Wala akong ideya kung paano ko kinaya. Basta nagising na lang ako na...wala na akong pakiramdam. Na parang may nag bago. Na parang may kulang...

Tito Grant even said to me that I'm too mature for my age. 

Kung mag salita raw ako ay parang hindi ako ten years old. Gano'n din sa galaw at pag iisip ko. Lahat ng mga bagay na dapat ay ginagawa ng isang batang tulad ko ay hindi ko ginagawa. 

I find it strange somehow. Minsan ay nagugulat na lang din ako sa naiisip o nasasabi ko. Sometimes, I feel like I'm over twenty. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ako nakarating sa ganitong pag iisip. 

All I know is I had to do this for my mother. 

"You should learn doing things on your own, too," rinig kong usal ni Mama. 

Natigilan ako. 

She sighed heavily. "Naka depende ka na lang ba lagi sa asawa ko?" 

Bumaling ako kay Mama. She wasn't looking at me, though there was an evident irritation in her face. Naitikom ko na lamang ang aking bibig at hindi nag salita. Kahit ano naman sigurong isagot ko ay mali iyon sa pandinig niya. 

I heard Tito Grant clear his throat. He's trying to save me again. 

"Your mother is going through some hormonal changes. Please, don't take it to heart, Hya." 

Bumuntong-hininga si Mama. "She doesn't need to know about it, hon."

Kumurap-kurap ako, sinusubukang makiramdam. I looked at Tito Grant and he stiffened. 

"I'll tell you later," he mouthed.

I pursed my lips. He doesn't need to. Alam ko na ang nangyayari kay Mama. Ganitong ganito rin siya noon no'ng nabuntis siya. It was just unlucky that the baby didn't get to live. Mayroon na sana ako ngayong kapatid na lalaki. 

"Busog na ako. I want to sleep," usal muli ni Mama. 

Mabilis namang kumilos patayo si Tito at agad na lumapit kay Mama. Inalalayan niya ito sa pag tayo sabay sulyap sa akin. 

"Finish your food. Your mother needs to rest." He smiled at me.

"Pumanik na tayo," may bahid na ng inis ang boses ni Mama.