and i'd give up forever to see you

five

Derek sat up in bed, all too familiar feeling, sweating and panting.

He wanted to cry so bad. He just wanted to scream, to throw something at the wall. To throw himself at the wall. He ran his hand in his hair, pulling roughly at it, the sharp pain barely registering.

It still hurts. So bad.

He was forgetting. Each touch, each word.

It was all slipping away. And he could do nothing but watch.

Derek felt so numb, like his emotions had just left. Leaving behind nothing. The sadness was all there, but at the same time it wasn't.

He reached out to his phone, to call Scott, Boyd, anyone.

Just something to keep him stable.

He decided to text Scott, feeling the lump rise to his throat. He didn't want to cry. He wasn't weak. He swore he wasn't. But he just felt like he was.

Hey Scott. You wanna chat? Derek sighed, deleting the message.

I had a nightmare... he deleted it again.

I miss him. Deleted.

Call me. Derek pressed send.

He finally noticed the time, it was 6am. Scott wouldn't even be awake at that moment.

Perhaps he would take a walk.

Derek laughed bitterly at his own idea. No one takes walks anymore. No one even left their house anymore. Why would you want to? There was so much to do at home. What was there outside? Grass?

But that didn't stop Derek from going out anyway.

Determined to get his stupid nightmare out of his mind, Derek left his house, pocketing his phone.

He wasn't sure where he was going, or whether it was even in his best mind to actually get out. Part of him debated going to the field, to the place in question.

But he couldn't. The disappointment he would feel if he went there to see nothing would hurt him.

Weak, he knew. But it was the truth.

On his little walk, Derek found himself walking past a high school near the field. A familiar one.

His old one.

Derek scoffed to himself, rolling his eyes inwardly at the horrible memories he had made in the blasted school. From being bullied by others for his coding skills, the fact that he loved video games.

He remembered, being shoved by older kids who picked on those younger than them for no apparent reason. Those that found fault with Derek for being good at coding. Jealousy, one could say.

But Derek's heart softened at other memories.

Memories he had of a boy. A boy who had moved across the US. A young boy, his age, his class, who had a disability.

He was blind.

The teachers had been worried about this blind boy, scared he would get bullied in a school as rough as the one they were in. The blind boy owned stuff that was different from other students. He wore these huge glasses that would cover his eyes.

He was different.

And unfortunately, that would make him a big target for bullies.

Derek remembered, seated at the cafeteria with Scott, the two of them quickly finishing their food to escape the bullies. That was when they had spotted the blind boy, entering the cafeteria with some lady that followed him around, who was his helper.