Was it love or just attachment issues?

Its been a year already, And i still miss you.

From the start of our friendship, to the end of our relationship.

It was confusing at first, You were the first ever female friend I had a crush on and interacted with at the same time. It was hard at first thinking about wether I should tell you my feelings or not, but I decided not to because I figured you wouldn't even like someone like me.

I kept this mindset for two years and always supported you in whoever, or whatever you liked or showed interest in. I did my best not to show my obvious feelings of love for you. And to my success, You never had a clue i liked you until a confessed.

Then the time came when you, you yourself started to get feelings for me. That's when you started sending the risky texts. Those risky texts gave me the idea that you actually had feelings for me too. So I braced myself and decided to confess to you. You actually liked me back?!?!? I thought I was a delusional little girl but damn I didn't think the mixed signals you gave me were actually signs!!

So then our relationship started. Now I realized we were never even in a relationship. It was just a "Lets stay friends for now and marry eachother when we grow up" kind of thing.

But I still followed my heart. My heart says I should stay with you for as long as i can. And thus, A friendship with feelings started.

To be honest, I dont think this whole thing was love. During this time that we liked eachother, The pandemic was still ongoing. So that meant we were all in quarantine. Sick, tired, and done with life to the point that we would socialize with every being we meet online because we weren't allowed to go outside. This led me thinking that was I really inlove? or was it just attachment issues? The feeling of getting attention in a time where the world was quiet was definitely not a feeling of love. But still, it was a warm, comforting feeling you could only get once in a lifetime.

Even if I'm still unsure, Those times we had were the best.

I miss when we talked to eachother we would be texting for hours on end and never took a break. Sharing things, talking about our lives, and just general topics.

I miss when we called eachother, You didn't even like calling other people, but you still did it so you could see me.

I miss when we would see eachother and you would hug me so tight as if you haven't talked to me in years.

I miss when you held my hands always even if you had something to do.

I miss when even if i insisted on paying, You still manage to pay for the both of us because you love language was gift gifting.

And most of all, I miss you.

But of course not every story ends with a happy ending. Time officially came when you were getting tired of me and realized there was way better people in the world than just me. I know my mistakes, and I know there are better people out there. I just wish you gave me a proper goodbye.

Meeting you was the best chapter of my life. You were the first one who taught me how to love. You made me realize my mistakes, and my worth.

I will never feel complete without you, but I know you feel complete even without me. And that alone is enough to make me feel happy for you. So enjoy your life, I wish you well.