denied truths

12# Told

DOMINIC

I talked and listened to her until we made a deal to switch cars and let me drive her home.

Now she's sleeping.

On the passenger seat, her legs pulled next to her, her head resting on the side of the seat.

Sleeping yet so peacefully, so angelic.

I talked to her mother about her, I won't tell  how I got her to speak to me that's for another day.

She told me how cold, cruel and narcissistic ludovica is.

I didn't budge.

She said "ludovica will never close her eyes around any man."

She was trying to tell me that she won't trust me, or any other men.

I believed her for a minute, but now ludovica is sleeping next me, she felt safe enough to let her guard down and fall asleep, is this good for the deal? Yes. Is this good for her feelings? No. No, never in a million years.

I sigh before I take my eyes off her and continue to look ahead the road.
It's 2 am, she's sleeping in the car next to me, in her car, I can't wake her up and tell her to tell me where her house is.

So I drive to my house.
I drive carefully and avoid bumpy roads just incase the beast wakes up, I make a soft turn and park the car in front of my mansion.
I open my door and go to her door, I open it slowly.

"fucking hell...". I whisper to myself.

I proceed to take her in my arms and I carefully take her out of the car without bumping her head in the car.
Shes in my arms bridal style, I push the car door shut with my foot.

She's so light in my arms, as a damn feather, I could do every mission with her in my arms, yes, I'm only walking slowly so she won't wake up.

I make it in the house, in my room.

I don't have another choice, the beast has to sleep in my bed.
I place my knee on the bed before I lay her down in the bed slowly, her head sinking in the pillow, fucking shit I smile.

I let her on the bed and back away, and look at her with my arms crossed.

She's fucking beautiful.

She looks like she belongs to me.

Her, sleeping in my bed, looking almost like she's mine.

Blonde hair, pale skin, pink lips. Softest aura I ever fucking was around.

She's not mine.

And she will never be.

And that's my choice, I would never want her to be mine.

I am not who she thinks I am, I am a murderer, and she is a saint.

She's MY bussines partner.

She's what I'm using as a cover up.

Not my love.

I turn around and leave her alone in the room and I make my way to the guest room.

I have never experienced love.
I'm not saying that I'm a virgin.

But love? Real fucking love has never been in my system, in my heart.

I don't know how it feels to love or be loved, I avoided love my whole life, and I'm still avoiding it. And when I'm not avoiding it, it doesn't matter, I'm heartless.

Love is in God's hands, if he wants to give me a person I'll love that's up to him. But it's not up to me, so I won't go fishing for love.

I let out loud breath and it echos in the walls of this lifeless mansion, my shoes making faint sounds on the marble floors.

I gave you all my money, the universe says, but I simply don't want to live.
But I'm not fucking suicidal, I'm not that much of a coward, so I'll life life to its fullest until I hate every second of my breath and every sight of the world.

I'll live, until I lose it.

I will live until all I want is to disappear.

I will live until my fucking life ends.

For now, God will help me.

But I don't think he will help a murder.
I don't think, I know.

He will never forgive me for not asking for forgiveness.

I could kneel down right now and ask for forgiveness. But I can't cause I won't stop killing.

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