Is it possible to go back in time with the people you love right now? I want to go back. I want to be myself from the past, without the suicidal part of me, without the painful, without the self harm, without rage, without anger, nothing.
Can we go back? I would love to stay in either 2022 or 2023 or back when I was happy.. I just, want to see how happy I was in the past, 2013, the day that I became myself, the day that I was created by God? yeah, that didn't turn out well..
I've changed, I've grown, I've become too smart for even my friends, I've learned when someone is trying to manipulate me, I've tired so so much to be better.. my parents want the better of me, still..
don't feel sorry for me. only feel sorry when it's your fault. if I hurt somebody, don't apologize for me, if I hurt them, it's their fault. not mine.
I would love to see me. happy, for once in my life, not pretending to be.. I've felt happy, just never embraced it.. I've tried to be funny, I've tried to forgive, I've tried to be friends, I've tried my HARDEST to be a person, a friend, and even a sister, to everyone.. including my friend..
I'm starting to see it now.. I'm just, useless.. In science, we lernt that we raced to the egg, and we won.. but now, im starting to realize.. at what cost? to suffer and die? reproduce more? we're not the ones suffering! earth is! by people, throwing their trash everywhere, chopping trees, throwing trash in the depts of the ocean, causing pollution.. I'm just tired.. I'm sick of this, if I die, remember that you we're lucky to still be living. If you die, remember that if nobody cared for you, I will. and will always, be by anyone's side no matter what. besides, if nobodys by my side, I'll be with everybody's side.
To my dearest reader
I am firmly sorry for the bad thoughts, forgive me, but I won't stop being myself no matter what you try. I'll stay like this. don't bother caring, I'm fine.
-your awful writer
Banana
