Say Hello to the Stars

Chapter Twenty

"So what're you going to do?" Johnathan asks.

"I'm going to do what's right. I'll stick it out, do the play, and get it over with."

"Are you sure?"

"It's too late to back out now." I say. "I don't know why I'm even considering this. It's so stupid."

His green eyes bore into me. "You're just nervous is all. Remember, I'll be right here if you need me. Just run into my arms if you freeze up."

I nod. Almost every seat in the audience is filled tonight. Everyone's scrambling to get their costumes on and tweak last minute conflicts. Meanwhile, I'm just standing here. Andy made sure to get a front row seat, so I can look to him instead of the entire audience. No one knows how that's going to play out, but it might help.

"Are you ready?" I spin around to face Ms. Hyler. Her blonde hair sticks out in ringlets. "Now, Julia is getting ready, just in case something goes wrong."

Of course. I understand why people are scared, but can't they have a little faith? I get that I'm not the ideal person, but please, try to believe in me. Plus, I'm not letting Jules onto that stage.

I smile. "I'll be fine."

The relief floods from her face. "Okay, that's good! But if you ever do need a break, just say the word, alright?"

10 minutes remaining.

I give her two thumbs up. "Everything will be okay, don't worry. I'm fine, really."

She squeezes my arm before going to help the stage crew.

-

Performing on that stage wasn't a nuisance. Instead, it was a relief. For once in my life, I wasn't nervous. I was happy, and I was free.

I've realized that I'm scared only of myself. When I'm up there acting as Alice, I was a whole new person. I could fully become her, and write out the anxiety. But once I stepped off, I was traumatized because I'm resettling into my body. My true self. And personally, I'd rather not.

But low and behold, it happened. I said every line perfectly and fluently, never once messing up. People congratulated me from every angle, saying that I had a spot on performance. It was great, fantastic even, but it was so surreal. I had to pinch myself because I thought I was dreaming.

But I wasn't. For the first time since my parents passed, I was happy. I was anxiety-free. It was like someone lifted all the weight on my shoulders and held it temporarily. No one could explain how good that felt. My true self shines through Alice, and man, I can't wait to get up there again.

I never imagined to love theatre as much as I do. It was a risk I never intended to do, but I did. I took a chance.

Johnathan walks up to me and smiles. "Was it worth it?"

Joy bubbles up inside me.
"It was 100% worth it."