Love will tear us apart

Chapter 5

48 hours.

That was how long she had known she was carrying Benny's child. 48 hours that consisted of self-loathing, anger and fear.

Now, under the pale light of the sun, that incredible vortex of emotions had subsided, but the guilt had not.

During that long period of solitude spent brooding, crying and reflecting, she had tried to remember the last night they spent together. And she did. Vividly. Or at least what she thought was the night where the most unthinkable thing in her life had happened... And with the worst timing in the world. It tormented her for hours, poking around the edges of her conscience.

She spent an entire night remembering what the hell had gone wrong between them. But then, after waking up the next morning, she didn't feel proud of those thoughts.

Despite the fact that it was all wrong and scary as hell, she couldn't blame that little life that now had forced itself into their lives. She couldn't blame either of them for making that new chapter in their lives as chaotic and incredible as everything had been in their relationship.

Well, she blamed him a bit more, but that was just for herself.

She couldn't deny that she felt... thrilled by that situation as much as shocked.

Frida folded one leg under the other as she sat on the white couch in her living room, sinking deeper into the duvet she had wrapped herself in since she first stepped out of bed, acting as her armor.

She took a deep breath and looked at the phone on the coffee table. She had been mulling over what she should do now. She had an infinite number of possibilities before her that would all change her life in one way or another.

First thing first, she needed to tell it to Benny.

She groaned softly and abandoned her head against the headboard of the sofa.

Everything had changed between them for months. He had distanced himself, finding solace and happiness in another woman's arms as well as distraction.

She had tried to move on and to leave the walls of her house and open the armored ones of her heart. Bertil, Olaf, Seymour... So many names, so many faces, so many disasters to add to her already complicated life. Nothing had gone too further with them, but again...

Perhaps that was why she had felt no remorse for closing up at home except to go to work.

There still remained the fact that she was now pregnant.

Damn, she was pregnant. It was still a ridiculous and absurd thought to her ears. But Görel was right, she needed to focus. She wasn't alone. So she had to take her life in hands and turn it around in the best way possible. Consequently, she had to talk with the child's father. Or argue with him. Because If she had to rely on what had been their verbal exchanges since the divorce, but even before, she could only expect an aggressive argument that involved no talking at all, just yelling.

At breakfast, she had decided that she intended to tell Benny before the end of the new album's recordings. And that was because after the end of the recording she didn't want to know about promotions, interviews and anything else. After the end of the recordings, she'd have wanted and sought only serenity and distance from the social eye. Frida didn't need more pressure or rumors or slander about herself. She had already heard enough.

It was her fault. It was his fault. She treated him badly. He didn't feel happy. She didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve her.

But the most disturbing thing about it all was that he had another life now. He had another... partner.