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35.1: TROUBLED WATERS (part 1)

In which decks are swabbed and morals are lacking.

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The bald sailor led them down a maze of dark corridors into the belly of the ship, shoving Rupert and Harriet in front of him. Juggalug was nowhere to be seen. The peg-legged woman had thumped away across the deck with his cage, Juggalug's peeps trailing miserably behind her. Rupert hoped the little banshee was all right.

"This is outrageous!" Harriet was saying. "Let us go this instant. This is a violation of every law I can think of!"

"No laws out at sea, missy," the sailor grunted.

"I'm pretty sure that's not true," Harriet said. Then she yelped as the sailor pushed her against the wooden planking of the wall.

"Hey-" began Rupert, then gulped as the sailor rounded on him too.

"Shut it, both of yer," the man growled. Turning aside, he threw the bolt back on a heavy wooden door. Inside, a gloomy hold was lit only by a single porthole, through which filtered a dim light that swooped and reignited every time a wave swept against the ship's side. It smelled of salt and damp. Rupert could not say he liked the look of it. But there was nothing to be done as the sailor pushed them both inside. The door slammed behind them and they heard the bolt shoot home again.

They stood alone in the darkness. Rupert felt Harriet's glare concentrate on him again.

Rupert swallowed. "Are you going to say I told you so?"

She glared harder.

"Because if you are, I think I'd actually prefer that."

A soft noise startled them. They spun around. It had come from somewhere in the dimness of the hold.

"H- Hello?"

A form melted out of the shadows. First a pair of white eyes, followed by a drawn, olive-skinned face, moved into the dim light filtering in from the porthole.

Harriet jumped back, sheltering behind Rupert. But Rupert ventured closer. "Hello?" he said.

"Evening dress," the speaker croaked. "You're a vampire."

"I.. Yes. I am." Rupert hesitated. "Well. I was. I'm not quite sure what I am now."

The eyes softened. "I know what that feels like." The speaker stepped further into the light, and Rupert saw that it was a woman, clad in a black velvet dress that was as torn and stained as his own clothing. Her hair hung about her face in dark strings and her eye makeup was streaked and smudged. From the sharpness of her cheekbones she looked to be a little older than Rupert, perhaps in her second century.

The stranger gestured to herself. "I'm not sure what I am any more either."

Rupert felt a lump in his throat. Apart from Dolphus-who was hardly in any state to bond with-he hadn't met anyone else who really knew what he was going through. It made him feel unexpectedly emotional. He held out his hand. "Rupert," he said. "Rupert Bartholomew Claremont Veinspurt Morbid-Hilt the Ninth."

A hand snaked out of the remnants of her tattered lace cuff. "Eugenia," said the other not-vampire. "Eugenia Vivante Arglerupture Crimsonlow the Fourth." She looked at Harriet, who had sidled out from behind Rupert. "And who's your friend here? She doesn't look much like a-" Then her eyes widened.

Uh-oh, thought Rupert.

"You!" Eugenia's finger trembled as it pointed at Harriet. "It's her! Lord Winkton's daughter. His accomplice!" Harriet quailed as the vampire stepped towards her. Eugenia's face was a mask of fury. "You did this to us," she spat. "This is all your fault."

Harriet made a strangled noise. Rupert leapt in front of her.

"So, er, I know this is awkward-"

Eugenia rounded on him. "Why are you with her? What possessed you?" Her expression grew thoughtful. "Did you kidnap her?" She leaned forward. "Does she have the cure?"

"Er, no," said Rupert. "Sorry," he added.

"Then why?"

"Because she's been helping me," Rupert told her. "She hates her father as much as we do. And because..." He looked back at Harriet, whose eyes were flickering between him and the other vampire. "Because she's my friend."

Eugenia's mouth twisted as she looked them both up and down. "Your friend. I'm sure she says so. But that's what she does, isn't it? She tricks vampires. And then she betrays us."

"I don't think that's very fair," Harriet put in hesitantly. "After all, you were coming to kill me-"

"Shut up, Middler!" Eugenia snarled.

Harriet shut up.

Rupert put up his hands. "Look," he said, "I can vouch for her. She really has helped me. She... She's saved my afterlife."

Eugenia raised her eyebrows. Then she gave a contemptuous shrug. "Fine. I don't suppose it matters now. Not like we can do anything about it."

Rupert heard Harriet sigh in relief.

"But she better not come near me, or I can't be held responsible for what I might do." Eugenia's words dripped with threat. Uncle Fang would have been proud of that vampiric voice, Rupert thought. He glanced at Harriet, who nodded miserably. Inching over to a spot by the door, she slid down the wall and huddled in the corner. Eugenia stalked a few paces and sat down a small distance away, glaring at Harriet. Rupert hesitated, caught between the two women. He didn't want to leave Harriet alone, but he needed to talk to Eugenia.

He opted for sitting awkwardly in the middle.

"So... how did you end up here?" he asked.

Eugenia gave him a sidelong look. "Same as you, I imagine. I was trying to get to Day and that Captain Dora poached me off the docks. That was two days ago."

Rupert felt excitement join the other, less pleasant emotions that were currently swirling inside him. "And you were trying to get to Day because...?"

Eugenia frowned. "If you don't know, why are you here? Fairy-dust, of course! It's the cure of all ills. If there's anything that will reverse this blasted hex, it's that."

Rupert looked triumphantly at Harriet. "I told you," he said.

Harriet gave him a one-shouldered shrug. Rupert fought down annoyance; surely Harriet could kindle a little excitement for him? Then again, he supposed she was locked in a hold with a not-quite-vampire who would have happily sucked her blood dry if she were still able to do so. That sort of thing was bound to be a bit of a downer.

"We'd heard about fairy-dust too," Rupert told Eugenia. "You really think it will work?"

"I think it's our best shot," said Eugenia. "Unless your friend there has any other ideas."

Harriet shook her head, her jaw tense.

"Thought not," Eugenia sniffed.

"Any idea what this Captain Dora plans to do with us?" asked Rupert quickly, before the atmosphere could get any more unpleasant.

"No. We're in the dark." She gave another bitter laugh. "Literally."

"Well," said Rupert. "I guess all we can do is hope for the best."

Eugenia looked at him sourly. "How's that worked out for you so far?"

They were interrupted by the bolt being drawn back and the door flung open. The bald sailor stood in the doorway. "Captain needs 'elp," he barked.

"What kind of help?" Rupert asked. Then he flinched as a large wooden bucket slammed down in front of him, slopping cold water onto his ankles. A filthy wash-cloth floated on the surface.

The bald sailor grinned, showing at least five gold teeth. "Swabbin'" he said.