To Put On An Act [bxb]

Chapter 16 - take me anywhere but home

At around 3 PM, Youngbin woke up to a tray carrying a bottle of water, aspirin, a small bowl of kimchi, and a note in his father's handwriting that said "Stay healthy :)" next to his bed. And on his phone, which had slipped out of his hands when he eventually did fall asleep long after the sun had risen, were multiple messages.

Four of them were sent by Kaya.

» NOOOOOO

hope youre alright bim!!! lmk if you need anythign «

The next messages were sent a little later:

» we have to do presentation in bio n i told mr carter taht we work together btw!!!!!!!

its on monkeys or something

talk more when youre back at school «

And then there were a couple more, this time sent by Alex.

» hope ur doing well

sorry i wasnt much of a help last night

kinda missing u?? lol «

Youngbin wouldn't answer, neither of them, at least for the time being. He'd gotten up slowly, and taken a long shower, the kind of shower where eventually one would just stand there unmoving for a couple of minutes, the kind where at some point the brain was almost overheating from all that overthinking, and then shut off completely for a bit until it'd snap back on to remind one of all the water being wasted right now.

And after that, Youngbin stared at himself in the mirror, and watched the water drip from his hair, and thought about maybe answering his friend's messages, but instead he just stood there and thought about why he was disliking whatever he was seeing so much that day.

Then he ate the kimchi, and his body asked for a little more, but his mind couldn't make him get up from his bed- yes, he had eaten in his bed. A sin, according to his mother, but she wasn't there to see it. Youngbin emptied the bottle of water in an instant, because sometimes drinking a lot of water made him less hungry. Maybe later he'd be able to get up. Or maybe his father would check on him, and bring him more.

It really had sucked the soul out of him. The dream, the nightmare he couldn't even remember. It was never this bad. It was bad, very bad, a lot of the time, but never had it been like this. And quite frankly, Youngbin was afraid. That maybe, it'd be like this again the following night, or perhaps every night from now on, until whatever was pressing against his chest and lungs and heart had disappeared. Until whatever mental black hole he had slowly drifted into for no reason spit him out again. Until then, maybe he simply wouldn't fall asleep again.

 

Of course, he failed, when he fell asleep about an hour later. After drowning in self pity for a while, thinking about how bad he was feeling about feeling bad, his eyes fell shut again. His sleep didn't last very long, was dreamless, uneventful, and if anything, it'd only make him feel more tired. But that's how it went. That's how afternoons were spent. Tired, and unproductive, and honestly quite pitiful.

Upon waking up, if one could even call it that, Youngbin finally decided to shoot Kaya a message. A quick "Okay" and then "See you on monday" and then ":)", and that was already enough for the day.

And then, he waited. For what, he wasn't sure, but he waited, rolled around on his bed, back and forth, on his back, his stomach, back on his back, and at some point he got up and stared at the snake that was slithering about, flicked its tongue at him, looked at him with its dark beady eyes.