Wen RuoHan is defeated and Wei WuXian lies in the courtyard of the Fire Palace as if dead. The Healers can't detect his Golden Core because of the mass of resentful energy swirling through his dantians and meridians. In an effort to save his life, L...
Lan WangJi played whatever music decided to come out of his fingers. It was slow and soothing and had Wei Ying snuggled under the blankets looking sleepily up at him, despite the earlier protestations of not needing a nap.
"Lan Zhan... I don't know how I'm going to sleep. I'm so used to having you in my bed. Or at least in the room."
"I'm here."
"You're here now. What about tonight? What about the rest of the nights? What am I supposed to do when I need you to touch me? When I need to kiss you? Or touch you? Or just... I don't know... smell you? What am I supposed to do when it's some strange woman lying in my bed? I don't want to marry for the good of the Sect. I want to marry for myself."
Lan WangJi kept playing. I don't want you marrying some strange woman, either. It should be us. We're so good together. Whether it's playing music or cultivating or going on night hunts....
"Tell me the name," Wei WuXian ordered through yet another yawn. "At least give me that before we have to part."
With a start, Lan WangJi realized he was playing their song. WangXian. It would be so easy to say it, so easy to end the teasing banter they had over its name. I can't. He looked over at his lover, silver eyes closed, breathing even. You're asleep again. His eyes were still looking bruised from the ordeal. I can't tell you. This secret is all I will have once.... Once you leave me to get married. It hurt. Like the pain/pressure from a massive boulder sitting right over his sternum, squashing his stomach, making him feel nauseated.
I hate her. I hate the one who will have the right to stand at your side. I hate that she will have the right to sleep in your bed. Raise children with you. I hate that she will have all of you when I.... When it should be me.
I want to be the one at your side. I want to be the one you laugh with, cry with. I want to be the one sitting up with you all night because one of our little ones is not feeling well or is out on their first unsupervised night hunt. I want to be the one who holds you while you're sleeping. I want to be the only one who knows what you look like when you're finishing. I want to be the only one who knows how to pleasure you. As I want you to be the only one who knows how to pleasure me. I want to wake up to see the dawn with you, and then put you to bed because you spent the night working instead of sleeping. I want to try to cultivate to immortality with you.
I want you to love me the way I love you. He'd never thought those words before. Now that they had come out into the open? I love you, Wei Ying. It felt... like he was finally a complete being, acknowledging this truth.
When did I fall in love? Thinking back all the way to their earliest interactions, he couldn't pinpoint a moment where he felt one way and then another.
Other than that first encounter on the wall, that was. Before he was a steady, calm and collected sixteen year old and after he was the exasperated one who had to keep an eye on an unruly guest disciple.
Did I fall in love with you that night? Did it even matter? I love you. That's what mattered. That's all that mattered.
Marry me, Wei Ying. You should marry me.
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Dear readers,
This will be my final post of the year. I leave you with LWJ's realization that he doesn't just feel lust towards WWX.
To those who celebrate, I wish you an early Merry Christmas. May the peace this season should bring embrace the world.
To those who celebrate, I wish you an early Happy Festivus. May your grievances be heard.
To everyone, I wish you a safe and Happy New Year. 新年快乐.
Thank you all for reading and commenting. I appreciate each and every single one of you. - Aitch.
