Yuh go out ah yuh way fi hurt mi And mi go out ah mi way fi hurt yuh Wi keep goin round inna circle No, this ah cyah love, this ah surgery
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TIANNA 'TIA' MCFARLANE💕
It is january 3rd 2023, the day my mother will be leaving Jamaica to live abroad.
“when yah come back mommy” I asked, my arms wrapped around her waist
“soon baby soon” she said kissing me on my forehead as I bury my face in her chest giving her a heartwarming hug
Due to her recent moving, I now have to relocate and live with my father and my older brother in kingston
After My parents got separated I lived with her most of my life, our dynamic shifted a little and tension with her rose, creating a distance between us.
She had this fiery spirit, and clashes were inevitable.
Our disagreements echoed through the house like distant thunder, creating an atmosphere that left little room for harmony.
When we had any sort of disagreement she would say “two bull cyah raise inah one pen” or she would threaten to kick me out or something
As the departure date had approached, a mix of conflicting emotions swirled within me.
I wanted her to leave but at the same time I don’t
“tia” my mom called, shaking me from my thoughts
“hmm” I hummed in response
“a soon time fi mi leave now” she replied
“alright” I said dropping my hands by my side
“see yuh bredda deh” she smiled “and father”
“mi sistaaaa” Teejay exclaimed as he hugged me from the side
“mommy wahm” he said hugging her
The familiarity of our once ‘perfect’ family relationship lingered as we all gathered at the airport getting ready to watch as she departs
Few hours later
“Tia”
Mi fi call him Devon or daddy?
“daddy”
My Dad and I had never been close, our connection more a thread than a bond.
Yet, as the familiar walls of my childhood home enclosed me in this changed configuration I wonder if time together might alter the trajectory of our father-daughter relationship
I knew that Living with my older brother, held the promise of a steady anchor
Bench and batty type shit if yk wah mi mean
He chose to live with dad after the separation but we still kept in contact after all he’s my only sibling and I am his only sibling
Dat a if daddy nahv wah Pitney weh mnk boh
January 4th
I was expected to start a new school the following monday and as I stood here, reminiscing on my high school years, a flood of good and bad memories overwhelmed me.
Since the days of grade 3, I've proudly held the top position in my class, a title I've grown to cherish.
However, the prospect of starting fresh in a new school fills me with both nostalgia and anxiety.
‘what if ih pitney dem inah mi class brighter than mi’ i asked myself rolling over to lay flat on my stomach
Despite my solid academic standing, I can't shake the fear of being at the bottom once again
Like weh mommy always seh "if yuh nuh reap weyo sow yah guh deh a back like hag seed" sum like dat mn memba
And trust, mi nuh wah deh a back like hag seed
Thinking about her, mi miss har already, wi probably would’n a cuss or sum rn, i chuckled at my remarks
My reputation precedes me, i was a prefect back at my old school, although it was said that i had no respect
And memba yuh attitude stink like shit
Yeah that too
But This time though, I've made a vow to myself, I am determined to make a better impression.
New life, New rules right? Or a did New year New Rule?
