Stay.

the heart wants what it wants

Zayn didn't even have words to describe what he felt like right now, laying in the dark, with Harry peacefully sleeping on his tummy, his arm snaked around Zayn's waist. He was still naked, and even though Zayn couldn't see his face from this angle, he was pretty sure his cheeks were still flushed from the love they had just made an hour ago. He smelled of alcohol, vanilla and sweat. It could be a repulssing mix for someone else, but Zayn craved it. He wanted it encased in every cell of his brain so that he could remember it whenever he wanted confirmation that this actually happened.

He felt on freaking cloud 9, because that night was something ... That night was memorable. It was all his wishes, all his daydreams, all his fantasies but a million times better. Because this time, it wasn't all in his head. It was real. They did it. They kissed, touched, fucked like there was no tomorrow, like it was just them, like they needed to be saved. And maybe they did.

The best part though, was the fact that Harry had started it all. He had made the first move. He had said these things and it was all it took Zayn to be brave. So he swallowed his pride and knocked down all the walls he once built and he had no regrets. Yet.

He wished he could stay longer, watch Harry wake up as the sunlight kissed his skin and the nail marks down his spine, watch him startle when he feels the naked body next to him then relax as he realises it's just Zayn. Zayn wanted to watch the realisation hit his face, he wanted to see his eyes widen then soften as he plays back the night before. He wanted to kiss him good morning, hear him complain about how bad his breath tastes in his rough morning voice. He wanted it all, every fucking morning. But he couldn't stay and his heart sunk at the idea of Harry waking up to an empty bed, messy sheets and just his headache to keep him company. He hated the idea of walking out of bed and leaving Harry. But he had to. He couldn't miss the plane. So he did. He slowly tucked Harry's arm away, watched him stiffen then dive back to sleep and slipped out of bed. He had time for a quick shower, so just threw his clothes from before on and borrowed one of Harry's clean boxers that smelled like fabric detergent and a lot like Harry himself.

He picked his lighter, cigarettes and phone, traced Harry's cheek with his finger tip one last time then left the room making sure he made no sound.

Lee, his personal driver and bodyguard, was already waiting for him when he arrived at the lobby. The clock right above the reception desk read 6:03am -and shit! He was late. Lee would have to drive a little faster than usual to get to the airport on time. Zayn made sure to pack the necessary during the day and had Lee pick it up before he drove to Harry's hotel. He internally salutes himself for thinking about it.

" Hey Lee ! " he greets. " sup man ?"

"We're gonna be late and I'm gonna be yelled at for it."

Zayn purses his lips apologetically. Lee just gives him a stern look and turn around shielding him from the dozen of paps and fans waiting outside with their cameras. Zayn ducks his head down the entier way to the car, only looking up to send a couple of fans smiles. Just as the car door shuts his phone goes off, the screen reads: Perrie and he almost declines it but Lee gives him the "don't" look so he slides the green button.

"Yeah Pez?"

"You better be on your way, Malik." She spits, clearly annoyed.

"What if I'm not ?"

He likes it when she's like pissed.

" Look Zen, I'm really not in the mood for your little games." She mutters and Zayn notices how thick her accent goes whenever she's mad. " I don't wanna be called to Eliana's office again to be taught how to play house and happy fiancée. It's fooking torture. A joke and you know it. Like seriously ? You don't even try anymore. I'm tired of the bullshit, I bet you're tired too."

" I don't mind going to Eliana's. "

" That's cause you bang her on her desk after I leave." She scoffs. " You seriously thought I didn't know ? The entier office knows."

" Yeah, well... took you some time."

" I should have called Lee." She sighs and he can hear hurt in her now low voice.

" Yup. You should have."

"I hope the plane crashes mid-flight. "

" Love you too, Pez. Can't wait to see you."

" Wanker."

" What ? A man can't miss his fiancée ?"

" Wanker. "

The line goes silent and Zayn knows he's being a dick to Perrie but it's way too fun to play with her nerves.

She's not bad. Not really. She's just irritating, the she tends to forget they're just pretending to be something they're not which makes things harder to deal with. He knows she likes him, maybe a little too much. He knows it because of the way she looks at him like he's some kind of unsolved work of art when they're alone in a hotel room and he's smoking by the balcony. He knows it because of the way she would snuggle to his side after a shag and inhale his smell like she doesn't want it to fade away, like it's better than the Channel n° 5 she always wears, like it's the salty smell of the sea on a rare sunny spring day. He knows it because when they're alone she lets her guardes fall and shows the vulnerable side he never thought was there.
And it makes it ten thousand times harder to open up to her, ten thousand times harder to stay after they fuck, ten thousand times harder to be alone with her without guilt eating him up because he knows he's toying and breaking her heart like it's nothing but he likes to believe he's only making it easier for her to let go and move on when the play pretend ends.

The rest of the ride is silent and he luckily catches the plane at the last minute.

He hates planes. He may have travelled by plane at least fifty times in his last four years of fame but he truly and utterly hates flights. He blames it on his irrational fear of heights but the mere thought that he's thousands of meters above the ground, makes his stomach flip and scrunch. He tries to watch a movie to distract himself and ends up sleeping the entier flight. They wake him up, minutes before landing and he almost pukes as the plain touches the concrete.

Two bodyguards he doesn't know are waiting for him as he steps out of the plain. They escorte him to the car through hoards of screaming fans and bliding flashes. He tries his best to smile and wave with the huge men sandwiching him.

He's glad the parking lot isn't too far, because his ears are soon ringing but his relief slips away as soon as he gets in the car.
Perrie is there. A lovely yellow dress on, her hair neatly tied up in a bun, no make up on her face but some mascara. She smiles and he smiles back. They know what's next so they meet in the middle in an awkward kiss and a one handed hug for the wild cameras outside to catch.

He's sure he's going to read " Little Mix's Perrie Edwards meets fiancé Zayn Malik at the airport. Seems like the lovebirds couldn't wait for their hotel room to catch up !" On the front page of the sun, sugarscape, the mirror in two, three hours. And he hates it. Even more than flights. Even more than plains.

I hope you like It xx