weeping willow // sejanus plinth

06

Chapter Six: The Effects Of Being Aware Of Your Imminent Death

Willow

I sit on the couch in complete silence, my mind alarmingly blank. I can't bring myself to dwell on any past regrets or worries. There's no use.

My prep team departed about an hour ago. They dressed me up in a suit similar to the one I wore at training. It's not too thick and seems to be waterproof.

It should be any minute now that two peacekeepers burst through the doors of my janky apartment and drag me off to the arena of The 14th Hunger Games.

I stay quiet and listen, hoping to hear their heavy footsteps before they practically break my door down.

However, the footsteps I hear are not what I'm expecting. Instead of the synced footsteps of two peacekeepers, I hear just one pair. Whoever it is seems to be running and tripping over themselves as they rush.

There is a quick succession of knocks on the door, followed by a familiar voice calling my name. I rush to open the door, gasping as Sejanus greets me with a hug tight enough to crack a few ribs.

He ushers me deeper into the apartment, and we settle on the couch together. He appears to be more worried than I am. His eyes quickly scan over me, trying to discern my mental state. He does that often.

"How are you feeling?" He looks at me expectantly. He's probably hoping I will pour my heart out to him, and he'll be able to comfort me. He enjoys comforting people purely because he just likes to help. He's good like that. I admire him for it every day.

I can't bring myself to reply. I can't bring myself to say anything. I open my mouth to speak, and nothing comes out except for a strained breath.

My heart races as I begin to panic. I don't know what's wrong with me. My breathing quickens, and all of a sudden, I feel like my lungs are being crushed. I gasp for breath, but it feels like I can't get enough air or breathe deep enough.

Tears stream down my face as I freak out. Unlike my usual tears, these are real because for the first time since my reaping, I'm fucking terrified.

I don't want to die. I don't want to fight. I don't want to struggle to stay alive. I just want to go home. I want to go home to my dad, to the beach, to the fish, to the boats, to the docks. I just want this to be over.

Sejanus grabs my shaking hands in his. He's speaking to me, but I can't hear him.

I want to go home.

My mind is running in overdrive. Every horrible thought I was pushing away before is now flying through my head at lightning speed.

I don't want to fight.

I feel like I'm dying. I wonder if this is what it will feel like when it happens in the arena.

I don't want to die.

I feel Sejanus' soft hands on my face before his voice reaches me. He's cupping my face in his hands so tenderly like I could easily crack into pieces. I probably could.

Worry is etched onto every inch of his face. "Willow, please. Breathe! Slowly..." He pleads.

I'm still hyperventilating. The lightheadedness is starting to get to me. Sejanus' voice is the only thing grounding me, reminding me of where I am.