His light at the end of the tunnel

Chapter 3

I had gradually forgotten my interactions with Helen and soon, it was Sunday. A Sunday afternoon to be specific and I was just doing my homework. My stomach growled and I got up to get my regular cup of noodles from my fridge. But what I forgot was that my fridge was practically empty. It was frustrating to say the least and now my Sunday was ruined. I dressed myself in comfy clothes and headed for the grocery store soon after.

Getting there, I decided to buy not only cup noodles but just something else in particular. I searched the store and found some pancakes and handed them to my basket. Maybe I could work on my cooking skills. I paid for my things and walked out; plastic bags in hand. Outside the store, I saw Helen on my left walking towards the apartment building I stayed at. I was shocked for a second before remembering that she lived next door to me.

"Good afternoon," she greeted absentmindedly. She seemed to have a lot on her mind as she gazed into the distance, her brows furrowed. But was she the cause of this? Did I irritate in some way or another? My grip tightened on the plastic bags in my hand as I thought of all sorts of reasons she could be mad; knowing I could be an option.

"Can you do me a favour?" she asked suddenly, sounding too solemn for normal Helen.

I nodded and looked in her direction, blurring my vision so I wouldn't need to look her in the eye. What kind of favour was she gonna ask? Was it going to be ridiculous or just a way to mock me?

"Can you please help me carry my groceries? My hands are killing me!" she complained. For whatever reason, I nodded and I knew if I did in fact get humiliated for this, I would be the only one at fault. I sighed and took a bag from her and added it to the bunch I had. Her smile returned and I looked away, wanting to just walk in silence. Fortunately, I got what I wanted.

Once we got to her apartment, she let me in and I placed her groceries onto her counter. I started to take some quick glances at her decor and couldn't lie that it was pretty nice. Her walls painted a nice shade of white; specifically extra white, was as clean as white clouds on a clear morning. Her floor was nicely made with a concrete grey tile and it honestly was pleasing to the eye. Just as I was about to leave her place, but before I could even get hold of the handle, I felt her hold my shoulder.

"There's no way someone is in my apartment without even getting entertained," she said earnestly. There went my chances of avoiding our interaction.

She forced me to sit at her dining table and scurried off to her kitchen. I noticed that the colours used in her apartment were nicely planned out, the kitchen being right next to the dining table. She quickly fetched some cookies: it is safe to say it's a hobby of hers to bake them. She brought out a batch and sat across from me.

She offered me to have some so we ate in silence and all I could think at that point was how delicious the cookies were. It had a chocolate filling that melted in my mouth, but I tried my best to hide that fact. She began smiling and staring at me and truth be told, I have had enough of her swoon worthy grins because I could tell that one day, it would turn into a mocking grin. But a few seconds passed, she continued to stare holes into me, her eyes basically screaming: How do my cookies taste?

As always, I avoided it. Suddenly, she stood up, stunning me for a second.

"How does it taste?" she finally asked, placing her hands on the table. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation and fixed on my line of sight.

I looked up at her ceiling, thinking of anything alternative to say.

"The sky's so blue-"

"What? I mean... yeah, the sky is blue but you're looking at my ceiling," Helen commented, her finger pointing to her single slider tilted window. "If you really want to pretend to look at the sky, why not look at it through my window?"

...Honestly speaking, she had a fair point. Since she had pointed it out, it won't be a bad idea to try it another time.

"Gotta say, it's hard to have a conversation with you," she remarked. "But first, what's your favourite colour?"

"...Gray?"

"Favourite food?"

"Don't have one."

"Favourite... thing about school?!"

"Going home."

"... I don't know what else to ask," she announced in defeat like this question and answer interaction was some sort of game. My eyebrows raised when she slowly slumped onto the table and began muttering gibberish.

"Are you... okay?" I asked. Immediately I finished speaking, she abruptly seated up right in her chair which made me almost jump out of mine.

"I'm fine. Just... thinking of a way to overcome a challenge," she stated, making my eyebrows raise. Did she think talking to me is a challenge she has to overcome?

"Oh, it's already evening! I didn't mean to hold you for that long," she spoke a few seconds after, her fingers running through her hazel hair.

I nodded my head, took my groceries and proceeded to head towards her front door. My hand froze an inch away from the door handle and I mutter out a sentence that I've been avoiding to say.

"It was delicious," I confessed before shutting the door behind me, missing the smile I knew lit up on her face.

Once I got to my room, I slumped against my room door as a sigh escaped my lips. After resting for 10 seconds, I got up and placed my groceries on my kitchen counter, realising I wasn't hungry anymore after eating Helen's cookies. I dragged my feet to bed, laziness kicking in. With just the slightest contact with my pillow, I was fast asleep. It had been a long time since I've had a simple and friendly interaction with someone. Even a long interaction at that. I fell asleep, only one thought stuck in my head. What a day this had been.

•••

I woke up around 8pm. I looked at my window to see the sun setting. Yawning, I sat up in my bed, feeling less tired as usual. Suddenly my phone rang and I picked it up, still half asleep.

"What the hell are you doing?" I heard a deep baritone yell on the phone.

I could have sworn I've heard him before.

"Your teacher told me your grades have been dropping. Don't tell me you're slacking off!"

Once I heard that, I was fully awake, my tiredness from earlier disappearing. I knew exactly who that was, even in my sleepy state.

"Father-"

"I can't believe you. I definitely raised you to be better than what you are currently but you're not even trying at all in your studies."

As always, tears pricked my eyes. He continued, calling me a disappointment and how he regretted having me. A silent sob escaped my mouth, tears endlessly cascading down my face.

He cut off the call after reminding me what he expected of me from how I acted, what score I got and even to how I dressed myself. I curled up into a ball, leaning against my bed frame and cried. His expectations were slowly swallowing me whole. I couldn't even laugh the way I used to. I couldn't wake up in the morning, dressed in what I loved to wear like I used to. There was no longer a reason I had to live except for hope. Hope that I could find happiness but I knew deep down that it might never happen.

I remembered my parents' lectures: reminding me they gave me money, food and a home to live in but I couldn't give them anything in return. The pain engulfed me and I couldn't stop recalling memories that showed me how useless I was. I had started to believe them. That I wasn't worth anything.

The longer I cried, the more I felt an imaginary rope tighten around my throat. I couldn't voice out a cry, like I was trapped in a cage, my throat hurting with every passing minute. I held onto my neck and cried myself to sleep, hoping this never ending nightmare and pain would lead me to a happy ending.

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