I woke up..

Am I Crazy?

I opened my eyes hesitantly before jolting up, realizing I was not in my bedroom. In fact, I'm not in any room at all. When did I get outside? Where am I?  The sky was dark, however, on one side you can see a little bit of light starting to show up, indicating that it is early in the morning.

When I saw the empty pill bottle beside me, I picked it up and examined it. At first, I was confused, trying to recall last night. But then it all came back to me.

I woke up.

"I-I should be dead. Why am I not dead!" I yell out loud, frustrated that my attempt didn't work. I place my head in my hands slightly squeezing. How could I be alive! I took sixteen pills! Sixteen! Maybe..maybe they expired? Maybe it isn't possible to overdose on these kinds of pills. I don't know much about them. I have to try again. If that's not going to work then...

After standing up, I grabbed my skateboard and quickly threw it in the strap on my shell, and ran towards the city. I ran and ran until I found buildings, climbing the closest one. Then I jumped from building to building, climbing higher when I needed to so that I could get on top of one of the highest buildings near me. When I finally made it to the roof, I stood still trying to catch my breath. My legs gave out from under me and my body was shaking with how much I pushed myself. I felt so weak. When I was finally able to breathe normally again, I carefully stood back up, still slightly shaking, and walked to the edge of the building to look down at the alleyway beneath me.

This time. This time for sure. I will be dead.

With a shaking breath, I stepped off. Watching the ground approach closer and closer, I closed my eyes. Ready for whatever would follow.

*****************************************

I opened my eyes. Again. I looked up at the building I had just stepped off of.

I woke up. Again.

In spite of the fact that I am alive, I sit up quickly, looking over my body and wondering what kind of damage I have done to myself... But the thing is, I look and feel just fine. There is not even a scratch on me.

"No..no no no no no no NO!! This can't be happening!" My breathing quickens as I look around desperately trying to find something. Anything. Then, on the ground near a garbage bin, I see a rusty razor blade. I quickly crawled over to it, and without any hesitation, as soon as I grabbed it, I brought it to my wrist. I let out a little cry as I cut deep into my skin. I watched as the big white line began to pool with blood. That encouraged me to cut more, deep lines on both of my arms. I was completely covered in blood. I knew I'd have to wait a little while for me to bleed out completely, but I didn't have a while. The sun was starting to show itself and I needed to be dead. I was supposed to be dead.

I tightened my grip around the razor blade and brought it to my neck. As I took one last deep breath, I glided the razor across my throat. As soon as I did it, I dropped the blade on the ground and brought both of my hands up to my neck. I held it as I was struggling to breathe. Tears started to fall from my eyes while I choked on my own blood. It hurt. Everything hurt badly. I couldn't breathe.

Then my body started to go numb, once again. I couldn't hold myself up anymore.

I was still holding my neck with one hand when my head hit the ground. My vision became hazy, and I couldn't help but close my eyes.

*****************************************

My eyes shot open. My hands instantly go to my neck feeling around to feel..nothing? I sit up and look at my arms. I was still covered in blood but I didn't see any cuts.

What is happening?! Why am I awake!

I feel around my arms, whipping the dry blood, trying to feel any pain and cuts. Nothing. I hesitantly curled myself up into a ball as tears began to cover my vision.

"Why..why me?! Why didn't I die! I-I shouldn't be breathing! What's wrong with me?! Am I really that much of a screwup that I can't even kill myself?" A small chuckle escaped my lips. "At least this time no one is here to see you fail this time, right?"

Without realizing it, I was laughing. I was laughing as tears were streaming freely down my face like a crazy person. Am I crazy? Is that what's wrong with me? I'm crazy?

Looking at the sky I realize it's a lot lighter than it was earlier. I don't know exactly what time it is since I left my T-phone at home so I can't be tracked for when they realize I'm missing. I didn't want anyone to have to find me like that. But of course. I didn't die. So I guess it wouldn't have mattered if I brought it or not, huh.

Based on experience, I assumed it was around 5 am. This means my brothers will be waking up in a couple hours..and if I couldn't die, might as well go home and make breakfast for everyone like normal. After a couple hour nap anyway.

I get up about ready to start heading home when I reach around for my skateboard, only to realize it's not on my shell anymore. I look over to where I landed after I jumped off the building, and there lies my skateboard. Broken in half, with one half completely split down the middle.

"Aw, man... That sucks." I whispered to myself as I wiped the rest of my tears away. I walked over to pick it up, only to wince at the amount of blood all over my arms. I should probably wash all of this off before I go home.

Luckily, the building I stepped off of happened to have a faucet connecting to it.
I walked over and turned it on. It took a few seconds of waiting before a small trickle of water started to flow out. It's better than nothing I guess.

After washing the blood off my arms, neck, face, and shell, I turned the water off and grabbed my broken skateboard. After looking up at the sky once more, I proceeded to walk home.