The tide turns

Chapter 12 / Choose

—

It was two days later, the day of Gudrid's wedding and the day of their departure, and Thorfinn stood there with the narwhal horns they had been given by Halfdan.

It was a scam, going to Greece and pretending that they were the horns of a creature called a unicorn, but it would be good money, so he just had to push some of his morales aside for a short while.

"...what's the matter?" Thorfinn noticed Leif comforting his crew, Mord and the other man. It looked like they were crying.

"He's telling them about the Greece plan"

"I see... I feel bad about tha-" Thorfinn cut himself off with a sudden scream, not if terror but surprise. Having bowed down to lay the narwhal horns in the ship he had noticed Gudrid in her hiding place.

"So even Mord and the other sailors are being left behind..."

"Gudrid! What are you doing down there?!"

"Whatever, I've heard enough"

Thorfinn sat on the bottom of the ship watching the exchange of words between Gudrud and Leif. He felt bad, maybe if he didn't always spot her she found stow away and he free.

He wouldn't lie, he wouldn't be opposed to having her with them.

"Just once, just give me a test! To see if I have what it takes to be a sailor or not! Otherwise I'll never accept your decision"

The test Leif gave her was not fair in the least. It was tough even for seasoned sailors, but of course, it was supposed to be. Leif wanted her to give up, but she did it, she aced the test... and then she gave up.

She looked so unhappy walking away from the ship. Her shoulders were drenched in sea water and probably sore, having lifted the rope to finally prove to Leif that she deserved to be a sailor.

In the end she walked away on her own, happy to finally receive the answer that, if she was a man, she would be a sailor.

"It's strange..." Einar began, "when she gives up and backs down like that, it starts to make you feel a bit... sorry, wouldn't you say?"

"No! It's for the best! At least she sees my side of things" Leif answered with a straight back and a stern look on his face, but Thorfinn could tell that even he was a little surprised that she would back down so easily.

They would leave that evening at the same time as Gudrid's wedding, almost ironic. They were leaving to start their journey of building a land of freedom and leave at the same time as she became trapped in this life she despised.

Thorfinn knew it wasn't the same, but he felt like he was leaving her on alone on that beach once more.

"Is there nothing we can do?"

"No, there is not!" Leif continued sternly, staring at Thorfinn now. "I know you want to help her, but this is where she is meant to be."

—————

How could things go so wrong? They had listened to the party from afar, the wedding party, and it was all cheers and laughter.

Thorfinn wouldn't have guessed that Gudrid suffered enough to stab her husband during their consummation, but she did, not fatally it sounded like, but she had drawn blood.

She hadn't wanted to do it, it had just happened.

Gudrid had wanted to accept everything, she had wanted to be happy in that kind of life, but she couldn't, she could never really convince herself that she could, that's how it happened, how she suddenly grabbed a hold of her knife and used it to stop Sigurd from going any further.

She was shaking and sobbing, apologizing for not being able to do what others could so easily. She felt like she was about to fall into the snow, she almost wanted to be buried there and hide away.

"I... I can't..." she sniffed. "I can't do what others take fir granted... the things that Tulla does for me... doesn't make me happy..."

"Gudrid..."

"I... I know I'm stupid and selfish and willful... but I... I can't change that about myself. I want to sail. I want to see the world... I wasn't born a woman out of choice"

She looked up suddenly when she felt a gloved hand on her shoulder, and she half expected it to be Leif, but then again, she wasn't surprised to see that it was Thorfinn.

How did she always end up around him during the worst times of her life?

"That world you want to make...If I could choose... I'd like to go there" she said aloud what she had thought when he told her about it. "But why... why can't I choose that kind of thing for myself?"

"You can" he answered her like it was simple. "Leif, let's add her to the crew"

"You make it sound so simple" Leif said what Gudrid was also thinking, but she was hopeful, and she didn't even mind that Thorfinn kept his hand on her shoulder. It was grounding, maybe that was why he had placed it there to begin with.

"She stabbed Sigurd. A proud Norse warrior injured by a woman. She will not fare well returning to the fold, it would be best to allow the anger to subside. We should take her and leave at once"

"Blood will be shed" Leif said sternly.

"Blood has already been shed" Thorfinn replied just as sternly before he looked back at Gudrid, frozen in place. "Did you mean it Gudrid? Would you like to go to Vinland? Because the journey we're on is dangerous... there's a chance we might not make it back alive... we could capsize" he did his best to remind her of the dangers she already knew of the ocean, but of course she had never forgotten.

"I..."

"You what? Of course you will go"

"Tulla?"

Tulla's presence and her support was what Gudrid needed to run away, to get onboard the ship she had always wanted to sail and row.

This time she could say goodbye.

—————

"I'm not surprised at all, that you would do something like that" Einar told Thorfinn as they worked, and as Leif yelled at Gudrid about something minor that she had done wrong in the first hour of their travels.

"That's... good, isn't it?" Thorfinn tied a knot, trying to keep himself focused on his task while he talked, "that's the kind of man I want to be... one that helps others"

"Yeah well, it seems different with her" Einar looked over his shoulder at the raven haired woman. "Maybe it's cause you feel so guilty about back then, or..." it was like a new idea suddenly dawned on Einar. "Do you like her?"

"Like her?" It suddenly became impossible to focus on the task, and Thorfinn threw it aside. "Like her, how?"

"No... no I suppose you wouldn't... you're probably not at the point where you're able to feel things like that" Einar thought of how it hadn't been very long since Thorfinn had been an emotionless shell.

"Wait do you mean... romantically?!"

"Thorfinn, just forget I mentioned it"

Thorfinn stared at Einar, wondering how the man could think he could just forget such a comment.

He felt responsible for Gudrid, and maybe a tad more protective than he should be, but that was all because of the past they shared, and how it had ended.

Besides that... Gudrid still wasn't completely comfortable around him. Maybe she wasn't afraid of him, and maybe she didn't hate him, but she didn't trust him as much as she seemed to trust the others.

He didn't like her... not like that... But he did want to be her friend again.