The Art Of Healing VOL 1

Sweet And Sour innocence

I never really fit in with the other boys, my hair was always a mess, and my way of thinking was always different to the other man, the way I walked, the way I talked, and even the way I laughed was always different from everybody. I never took it as a weakness though, I always took it as a strength. Like it was a sign for me to always be different no matter what. In a way, I loved the way I looked, I loved the way I sounded, and I loved me. It all changed when I started getting older and realized that I actually cared about what people had to say about me. I never thought I would let their mindless words get to me, but I did, and that's one thing I will forever regret. I started hating the way I looked, I started to hate the way I sound, and I even started to hate my weight. I was gaining from all of the stress eating.. I started developing habits that I never ever thought I would develop at such a young age... But at least my grades were somewhat on point. I always felt that I might not be the best looking, but nobody can call me dumb.

I always wanted to keep my life to a certain standpoint, and I feel like if I did not keep my grades up that I have failed myself.. If I was going to be ugly, I mind as well be ugly and rich so it could take my mind off of a lot of things. But at the same time school was never really for me. The constant teasing from my classmates was enough to make me self combust, and combined with the harmful things I tell myself everyday when I look in the mirror, it was an inevitable cycle of life and death for me. I found comfort in my bed, or in a book. Those were really the only things that kept me entertained, I never watch TV on a daily basis, and I never cared to listen to music a lot. I was just simply a nerd, and I have come to terms with that unfortunate fact.

But at the same time I take a lot of pride in me being a nerd, I am not ashamed of it, but I do wish that I could change a lot of things about myself. I feel as if I have no friends and everybody who wants to be my friend just wants to use me for my intelligence, because it sure is not fr my looks. I never really had a girlfriend or boyfriend growing up, I always struggled with myself on the inside, I pushed it so deep inside of me that I never even cared about it until now when I finally realize how lonely I am as a person. It's nothing to really flex. I know people tell you to enjoy your own company, but i have been enjoying my own company for more than 16 years.. I need a break from myself at some standpoints.

The thing that is honestly painful to me, is the fact that I was never this sad in my life. Just one comment about me changed my life forever. As the story progress, you will understand where I am coming from.

But my story is definitely one crazy one. So follow me on this journey of self love my friend..