by your side | j.g. x j.w.

1

A/N: more of an introductory chapter
hardly proofread/edited bc fuck it we ball
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"Johnnie?" A voice asks wearily, making a feeble attempt at getting across to the man. "Jesus dude, come on!" It chokes out, quivering in worry.
Soon, a head of black hair collides with the chest of the other man, who wastes no time wrapping his arms around him, holding him as tight as possible without it being uncomfortable.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You're okay, just breathe," he says, unsure if any of his words are even getting across to the other.
"Come on, Johnnie, let's sit down. I'm here, I got you."
"Jake," the other man finally speaks once the two have sunk into the living room couch. "yes, Johnnie?" he responds.

"I..." Johnnie hesitates before speaking again. "I don't think I'm gonna make it out of this one."

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One year ago, Johnnie Guilbert would've never believed he would be where he is now.

When he decided to create a song and shoot a music video with fellow youtuber, Jake Webber, he got much more than he could've ever imagined.

The two had, of course, known each other for a bit before deciding to work together, but things were just different before they actually met.

From the moment he first step foot into Jake's home in Los Angeles, he admired him. Admired all of the details that expressed his personality and interests, admired the way his place actually felt like a home.
He admired Jake as a person. Admired the way he was kind to everyone, but could still hold his ground when necessary. He also admired the way he seemed to live his life without worry.

During their time spent together, the two found each other growing closer than they thought they would've.
At every party they went to, one would typically find Johnnie no further than an arms reach away from Jake.
Jake quickly became a safe, welcoming presence in Johnnie's life, something that would not come as an easy feat to most.

After their first meeting, there was rarely a time when the two weren't communicating. Between phone calls, FaceTimes, and almost nonstop text messages, it was hard to feel like they didn't see each other everyday. Jake often joked that he spent more time on the phone with him than with his own girlfriend.

In no time, the two had memorized nearly everything about each other.  The two had full confidence they would be able to pick out the other's voice in a crowded room.
Johnnie often found himself checking his phone, watching his reflection on the black screen, letting the seconds pass until he heard from Jake again.
He counted down the days and weeks until he finally got to see him again.

A few months would find the two moving in together, alongside their friend Scuff.
That's when the problems began.

Jake had always known Johnnie was troubled, but not quite the full extent of his problems. Moving in together changed that.
He was anxious, to the point where he was on medication and would lose it quickly if he forgot to take them.
They wouldn't even do the trick sometimes.

His anxiety made him spiral, sending him into deep, dark depressions.
He would isolate for weeks at a time, hiding in his room unless absolutely necessary, shutting out the people around him and welcoming in the voices that crawled out of the darkest corners of his mind.

Despite all efforts, whenever he got like this it was nearly impossible to pull him out of it.
Most of the people around him quickly learned that it was just something they would have to let pass, even if it hurt them to see him that way.
The only one who never really seemed to want to accept that about him was Jake.
Johnnie simultaneously hated and adored that about him.

Jake often stayed behind when Scuff and whoever else they had around the house left, just so he could stand at Johnnie's door and repeat the same line every time they left.

"Johnieeeee, everyone's gone. Do you want to come outtt?"
He never saw the face behind the door, but Johnnie would always crack a smile at that. He felt good knowing that someone refused to give up on him like that.

"I can cook, then we can watch TV, and fuck around until they get back," he would add.
Sometimes, but only rarely, Johnnie would take him up on that offer.
Every time he did, he found himself breaking out of that isolation period faster.

It was hard trying to figure out why Johnnie felt the need to shut himself away for so long, he himself couldn't quite explain it either.
Jake never tried to figure that out. He behaved like his friend, not his therapist, whenever he tried to talk to him, something most didn't do. They always treated him like a patient, trying to understand why he did what he did. Not Jake.

Johnnie liked who he was when he was with Jake, he wished he could always be that guy.

Jake liked watching the way life would slowly creep back into Johnnie's face when he was around, he thought he deserved to always look that happy.

Johnnie was plagued by thoughts of Jake. He wanted so desperately to understand why that punk, endearing soul of his made him feel the way he did.

For most of his life, he'd been the awkward kid most people were friends with out of pity. That's who he was used to being, the person nobody really enjoyed being around, and he knew it. He was fine with it.
As long as he had just a few people who he knew he could trust and depend on, he was happy.

That changed when he met Jake. The initial awkwardness didn't stick around for as long, probably because Jake always spoke to him as if he were a longtime friend.

Through Jake, he met lots of good people. He was able to get through most social events, so long as Jake was somewhere to be seen around him.
It was always them, alongside Jake's girlfriend, Tara.
Tara complimented Jake perfectly. She was kind, funny, and always stayed true to herself just like Jake. The two were the definition of a power couple.
Johnnie was quick to become good friends with Tara, and he never felt awkward third wheeling them.

He did, of course, have other friends. They were close, but not in the way him and Jake were. No doubt about it, he loved his friends. But he felt there was some kind of invisible barrier between them, physically preventing him from closing that remaining space of distance between them.

Johnnie felt dumb for feeling the way he did with Jake. He brought out a side of him nobody else could. He wanted to be somebody Jake could see value in and keep around forever.

Jake wanted the same. Hell he wanted more, he just didn't know it at the time.

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A/N: first chapter done yayyyy!!

bye i hate this so much, feels like nothing I wrote conveyed what I was trying to write. i'll write something i like eventually, just bear with me okay? okay!

thanks for reading this one. it's not great bc i've never been great with introductory stuff but i hope u stick around for more <33