Coming Clean

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When I got down to the beach, I couldn't shake the sick feeling that I'd lied to Jenny. I knew I had no right to force her to stay on the island, and even less to keep her from her family. It didn't matter that we seemed to be enjoying each other's company and our temporary living arrangement. She'd wanted to return to her life in San Francisco, and now there was no telling when we'd have another chance. I could keep pretending like nothing had happened, but I'd feel that our budding romance was built on a foundation of lies. I knew that I'd never be able to live with myself if I didn't tell her the truth.

But I was in no hurry to go back up there and admit my misdeed, and for the next hour or so, I did everything I could to delay the inevitable. After going for a long run on the beach, I took my bodyboard out into the surf, spending the next couple of hours trying to forget what I'd done. I paid no mind to the possibility of another shark attack, thinking that would be infinitely more preferable to facing her with the truth of what I'd done. After exhausting myself thoroughly, I dragged myself onto the beach and flopped under a tree, drifting off to sleep while I watched the sun slowly rising overhead.

After a couple of hours, I woke with a start and glanced up at the midday sky, realizing I'd fallen asleep for longer than I intended. I'd promised Jenny some fresh fish for breakfast, and by now she was probably worried something had happened to me. I jumped up and grabbed my spear and waded into the shallow lagoon, snaring two red snappers after a few failed attempts. Whether I was exhausted from my earlier exercise, or my heart simply wasn't in it any longer, I couldn't be sure. But something told me we wouldn't be eating freshly caught fish from the lagoon much longer.

I tied the fish to the end of my spear and hoisted them over my shoulder, beginning the long climb back up the mountain. Halfway up, I glanced over at the waterfall where the two of us had first made love, but instead of feeling a sense of excitement from reliving the moment, I only felt a tightening in my balls from cheating on her. When I reached the top of the path and saw her sitting by the fire glancing out to sea, my heart skipped a beat and I swallowed hard.

"I was worried about you," she said when I laid the fish down on the ground beside her. "I wondered if you'd had another shark encounter."

"No such luck," I said with a strained smile. "I decided to do some bodysurfing then I fell asleep under a tree."

"Is everything okay?" she said, pinching her eyebrows at me. "What happened to my Crocodile Dundee?"

I paused for a moment, placing one of the fish on the cutting board, then chopping off its head.

"I lied to you earlier," I said, unable to look her in the eyes.

"About what?" she said.

"The ship. It wasn't an illusion. I saw it clear as day."

"What?" she said, flaring her eyes toward me. "Did you try to flag it down?"

"I did at first," I nodded. "But I couldn't bring myself to send up the flare."

"Why not?" she said, standing up angrily to confront me. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't know," I said. "It's just that everything on this island seems so–perfect. I didn't want to screw it up."

"That's not your decision to make! There's two of us in this situation."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just...with the plane crash, drifting onto this deserted island, falling in love. It feels like we were meant to be together."

"I never said I love you," Jenny said, placing her hands on her hips.

"What?" I said, snapping my head toward her. "What about when we made love in the tree house? When you said you wanted to feel closer to me–"

"I just wanted it slower and more tender. I don't always want it up the back of my ass."

I peered at Jenny dumbfounded, feeling my ears becoming red and my heart thumping in my chest.

"So that's all it was between us?" I said. "Just convenient sex with someone you were stuck with on this island?"

"Yes," she said. "I knew it would never work when we returned home. We're both married and I have children and a job I can't leave–"

"Alright then," I said angrily, pointing in the direction of the setting sun. "Let's get the hell off this island if that's all that you want. The ship came from the southwest, not the northeast. Where there's one, there should be another."

"You lied to me about the direction too?" Jenny said, shifting her face in front of mine. "And here I thought you were a decent guy. You're obviously not everything you pretended to be."

"Apparently not," I said, kneeling down to fillet the other fish. "Let's get on with the search. The quicker we get off this island, the better."

Jenny pushed the cutting board away, peering at me with disgust.

"I don't want you up here with me anymore," she said. "I can do a better job keeping a lookout by myself. You can take your fish back down to the beach. I'm happy to live on coconuts and breadfruit until the next ship arrives."

"Suit yourself," I said, piercing the two fish through their bellies and hefting them over my shoulder. "It's quieter down there anyhow. And I don't have to worry about saving your ass from any wildlife."

As I stormed down the path clenching my teeth in anger, I cursed at myself for getting tangled up in another unhappy relationship. But I knew the pounding in my chest was due to a lot more than just anger and frustration. I'd allowed myself to fall head over heels with Jenny. And now it was irreparably broken.

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