smile, my love

3.7

2:15 am - i lie in bed and i don't know why but i feel sad.

2:30 am - i try to sleep but it doesn't come to me. my thoughts are now captivated by memories, good and bad alike.

3:24 am - i get out of bed, the covers no longer providing me with warmth. all the memories haunt me everytime I close my eyes. and the insecurity keeps me awake. i need to get out of here.

3:29 am - i walk around the house and the silence is too loud. i'm feeling dizzy and there's nowhere this tornado can throw me.

3:57 am - the water dripping down my chin is cold, like the water in my hands. and the water flowing down my cheek is warm. and suddenly, i fear that i may be drowning in misery.

4:11 am - the caffeine is soothing and i can already feel the adrenaline in my blood. i listen to the tunes that are blowing into my eardrums. the cool winter air is enough to calm the fire within me.

5:00 am - here's the thing, no matter how much i try to befriend the enemies, tame the fire, heal the scars, i end up stabbing myself with an invisible dagger.

5:34 am - and now the mug of coffee, the music, the books, the cold winter night, my oversized hoodie, the roof and the infinite sky with mortal stars have become my best friends.

5:48 am - and i don't know what this new day will bring forth. but i will try to survive again today and i hope that this time, i will finally be able to pull through.