Struck

Bigger PERSON

Chapter two
(Bigger person - Lauren Spencer Smith)
Alexa

I stuggled as my alarm rang. Damn it was five am.  I didn't set it.  I decided to wake up,  i was still a bit tipsy from the painkillers. I sat in the bathtub full of hot water.  No too hot but not warm. I kept hearing the word “failure”. I laid my back against the cold, white tiles on the wall. I felt goosebumps all around. I took a bath and got dressed by six am.  Obviously
Elena and Mrs Jones were awake. I didn't really have breakfast.  Elena had a huge smile across her face.  She wore a pink floral, above knee length dress. She had brown hair that was up in a ponytail and brown eyes.  We arrived at church and the sermon was about Family. I was completely lost.  Lost in my own world. I didn't know what I was feeling.  When church was over,  the Hawksleys came over to our family.  Our parents  chatted. Elena and Adrien were with Marcus,  Adi was on the phone and “He” came over to me.  “Hi Alexa.  So how are you feeling ?  A little birdie told me, something happened.  Are you okay ? ” asked Andrew.  “Why are you worried about me ? I should be worried about you,  you're talking to birds. ” i answered.  That little thing brought a smile to his smile.  “I see you haven't lost your sense of humor but you can't change the subject. Are you okay ? ” He asked with his brown eyes melting like chocolate.Like leaves during the fall and honey seeping through them.  “Yeah. I'm fine.  Just worried about what I'm gonna do now.
Its just so unreal that I'm done with highschool.” I lied.  “I know but you'll be fine. At least we both feel the same. ” he answered.  He had no idea what I was feeling right now and neither did I.  I gave a half awkward smile. “So how’d you dodge Brittany ?”i asked. He rolled his eyes. 
“She asked to be my prom date but I  said no. ” he answered.  I looked at him confused.  “I know who I want to be my prom date. ” he smiled. I stared his eyes for a few seconds whorver he was thinking about made his pupils become bigger.  “Who's the lucky girl?” I asked. He shook his head and put his fingers through his brown hair. 
“Do I have to guess ? ”I asked.  He shook his head.  I nudged him a bit.
“Come on, tell me. ”i pleaded. He shook his head again. I rolled my eyes. 
Who was this lucky “girl”?  I was gonna find out sooner or later.  I always do.  We maintained eye contact for a few seconds. “Thats not gonna help you in anyway. It wont help you,  I wont tell you.  ” he said. He knew I was gonna tease him about it. 
He looked down to the ground.  I just watched him.The Hawkselys joined us for lunch.  I did not go downstairs because I didn't feel too good.  I was dizzy and nauseous,  like the whole world was caving in on me. I stared at the ceiling and the wall same empty feeling inside but without any  tears this time. I just rethought every decision I've made.  Was i being a nuisance today? Did I overshadow anyone? Did I hurt anyones feelings?
All these thoughts circulated my mind.
What was happening to me ? I didn't even wanna pick up my Bible.  Everyday I used to do a bible study alone and  do some journaling but the past few days i was exhausted and had this feeling i couldn't explain it. I had  drag myself out of bed to go downstairs. I stopped halfway the stairs and sat down, I couldn't breath. I sat for a few seconds I felt like collapsing. I stood up immediately but my body felt heavy and I impacted the floor. A wave of paralysis hit me and my senses shut down. It was dark. I opened my eyes  and I was in hospital.
My jaw and  my head hurt.  “ Oh lovely you're awake.  How are you feeling ? ”
asked the doctor.  “My head and  jaw hurt.  ” i answered.  “Well that is expected. So do you remember what happened exactly ? ”he asked me.
“Yes, I was walking down the stairs then I fell.” i answered.  “Ohk, this happened because you haven't eaten for three days and there wasn't enough oxygen sent to your brain and  that time. I've done some tests and luckily you  don't have iron deficiency.”
He said.  I nodded. “I'll prescribe something for the pain. ” he said.  I nodded again and lay my head on the pillow. I shut my eyes hoping to never wake up again.  Sometimes,  sometimes I wish my father could have just taken me along with him.
Ever since I  was a little girl i felt like I was floating in my own body. I felt nothing.  I was like a puppet at times. I wished my own mother could see I'm a human.  I  have feelings and I'm not a stress ball. She seemed to want another daughter that wasn't me. She didn't need to say anything,  she showed that she hated me and  I  was a burden to her. She didn't pay any attention to me at times.  I was somewhat invisible,  anything I did she'd try to find wrong in it. I never really show myself at home.  I reveal myself to a few people. Even when she did spend time with me,  the fun was always ruined. She called me annoying and sometimes said I feel like you were switched at birth, you can't be my daughter or you're just so lazy,  I don't know who's child you are. Most of these things were used as jokes sometimes, most of the time she meant them. She was inconsiderate of my feelings and talked to me  like she was talking to trash .