"i swear on my life it wasn't supposed to go like that" i blurted out after a minute of silence. all she was doing was staring. judging. questioning how she felt.
all she did was nod, listening to everything i had to say.
"what were you doing out there." she finally spit out. it felt like acid on my skin, remembering everything that we had done before that match. remembering how she wished me good luck, remembering her arm when i first met her, remembering every little detail. i had taken what i know was most important to her. i had taken what made her feel like she didn't something in the world, like she was worth something. i took what she was worth and made it mine.
"I SAID WHAT WERE YOU DOING." she snapped me out of my blurry gaze of the wall across from me. i wasn't seeing a wall though, i was living in my brain. zoned out from the world, from what i had done, from her face. she longed for an answer but i had none at all.
"its not how i wanted it to go" i could tell immediately what i said was wrong by how her face dropped. by how she got up from her spinning chair in front of the mirror, setting her phone down, and walked towards me, stopping when our nose were almost touching.
"i know it doesn't effect you, you know what, maybe it does. maybe seeing me like this destroys you. maybe you causing me to have a complete suicidal breakdown concerns you. but you will never, NEVER feel worse than i feel. i portrayed my trust in you 30 minutes before you betrayed it. and now you're gonna comfort me?! you're going to try to help?! if you really wanted to help, you would either shut the fuck up and leave leave, or shut the fuck up and be pressed against that fucking blank white wall to the right of you." she said in such a calm manner that she scared me. she always seemed to confuse me. she starts with hate and turns into something else. she hates me but if i was against the wall... she wouldn't? if i let her fuck me because i felt bad for her, she'd be okay?
"over my dead bod-" i started daring at her before i immediately saw my vision go black. she didn't knock me out, she didn't hit me, i'm not having a panic attack, no. she just turned me so fast and pressed me against this white wall so quick that all i see is black
