Did You Know Me? (Shubman Gill x Ishan Kishan)

Any way to make amends

Shubman was convinced he had been cursed with the most nosy elder sister of all times.

"Nisha says you fell out with Ishan," she announced when she returned four days after he had returned from his fruitless trip to Bihar, about which he hadn't told anyone at home. "She says you've done something stupid, I'm not surprised, by the way, and I've noticed how you've been all depressed, though you have been a good actor lately."

"Your point, di?"

"My point? Obviously I want to know what happened, little brother."

"Don't call me little brother. It's very annoying."

"I'll be a lot more annoying than this if you don't tell me exactly what happened with you and Ishan, Shubi."

So far, Shubman had not told anyone "exactly" what had happened. Ishan wouldn't want anyone to know. Even Shubman himself wouldn't want anyone to know.

It was all so...weird.

However his sister was nosy and persistent and the best and most understanding listener he had known. She always gave great advice. And the two of them always confided in each other, which included their worst, ugliest secret.

So he told her.

Exactly.

"And he blew me off even after I travelled such a distance, di," he said plaintively. "I think Ishan is overreacting a hell lot. I can't do anything about it."

"You think he's overreacting?" repeated his sister.

"Yes, I-I do. Don't you?"

"Um, let's see," said Shahneel. "From what you told me, it seems Ishan manipulated you into kissing him and then got hurt because you didn't want to do it again willingly. So yeah, he's definitely overreacting."

"He did not-" stammered Shubman, almost speechless with horror. "He did not manipulate me. It was all my fault. I was insensitive and thick-skinned and blind and I shouldn't have kissed anyone as a joke, even if it's my best friend who I never dreamt might not be taking it as a joke."

"It's not all your fault, Shubi," said Shahneel.

"Yes, it is, it is, how can you say-"

The doorbell rang, but the brother and the sister were too preoccupied to register it.

"How can you say it's his fault? He did nothing to-"

After two minutes, it rang again.

"Will either of you get the door?" shouted their mother, irritated.

"Sorry, we didn't hear, I'll get-" 

Shubman opened the door and froze. Shahneel, who'd come up behind him, went, "Who-? Oh."

"Um, hello," said Ishan awkwardly.

"Hi, Ishan, we were just talking about you," said Shahneel cheerfully.

Shubman and Ishan both went flaming red.

"Come in....take him to your room, Shubi, and you two, sort it out today." She sounded dangerous. "There are going to be no more flights between Bihar and Punjab, get it?"

Shubman looked at Ishan tentatively.

"Sure, Shahneel di," mumbled Ishan. "That's...that's what I came for."

Shubman burst into tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shahneel di gave Ishan a look and tactfully left the hallway. Ishan was forced to lead Shubman to sit on the shoe rack (the closest sitting space he could find), saying awkwardly, "I'm sorry, Shubman."

"You're sorry?" sobbed Shubman. "You're sorry?"

"Yes, um, I guess you're crying because of the way I've acted since the....final....so yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Well, I, I did, but I shouldn't have wanted to."

"So you're saying...you're saying...I could make amends?" 

Ishan had never seen Shubman crying so badly, and he'd seen him cry over a lot of issues before.

Suddenly, he was very, very glad he had come.

"Oh, there's no need to do anything of that sort," said Ishan. "We can just forget whatever happened that night. We can pretend it never happened."

"And be best friends again?" said Shubman, sniffling, and looking hopeful like a child begging to be let off school.

How could anyone say no to eyes like that? 

Not that Ishan wanted to say no...

"I-I guess so," he said. After a pause, he added, "I missed you."

"I missed you too!" cried Shubman at once. "I missed you like I would miss a limb."

Ishan tried not to smile, but he probably did smile anyway. 

"Thank you so much, Ishu-"

Shubman leaned forward to Ishan, but Ishan shrunk back before he could process it.

He was instantly overcome with guilt, because Shubman had pulled away as far as he could, and looked both hurt and scared, and spoke in a feverish sort of way.

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for... for everything...and I'll not touch-not do...anything you don't...you're not fine with..."

"Right," Ishan broke in.

Shubman fell silent.

"You, uh, don't have to be so scared all the time," said Ishan. "I'd hate that. If you're scared, it'll be like I've lost you anyway."

"Right," said Shubman, a small, half-scared smile lighting up his face.

He was so beautiful.

So beautiful.

And Ishan loved him so much.

So much.

He could not say he didn't care that his love was one sided, but he could say one thing.

He would take them being best friends any day over being nothing at all.