Starlight Ships

He was a boy. He was another boy, can I make it anymore obvious?

Damian took out another Newport out of his pack and lit it. It was his second to last one, and he made a mental note to get more from the 7-11 later. He had just finished another long day at school. Another day full of disappointed stares from Mr. Donovan and getting talked down to by everyone else. Damian liked being around himself the most, and he was okay with that. Well, there is a special exception, but there's no chance in hell that HE would even notice him.

Lately, Damian has taken to going behind the bleachers to smoke every day. Mr. Donovan never checks for people there, and everyone else is too busy hanging out with each other to notice that he's gone. Damian was particularly angry today because he saw his so-called "friends" all eating at a lunch table without him. Melissa was making fun of some poems that someone had left in Levin's locker.

"'Your eyes, a deep hazel, make me feel like my heart is beating for the first time.' Oh my fucking god, who would actually write something like that?", said Melissa.

"I don't know, but whoever it is, they need to upgrade their paper quality, I would never send a note to somebody written on anything less than parchment", Sebastian said.

"They were too much of a coward to write their name down on them anyway," said Hendo, halfway through eating an Italian BMT on wheat from Subway (TM).

Jessica then made some unrelated horse comments, and everyone seemed to move on. Little did they know, Damian was the one who wrote those poems, and he was pissed off. He then stormed off, but before he left the cafeteria, he saw Levin look up at him. He couldn't quite understand his expression. Pity? Confusion? It made Damian feel self-conscious, and he hoped that Levin didn't see his cheeks go red.

As Damian left class that day, he played the song that he thought had been defining his life lately, "Complicated", by Avril Lavigne.

Damian wanted to tell Levin how he felt, but every time he thought that he could do it, he would lose his nerve. And besides, why would Levin ever like him back, anyway? Levin had dreams. He was gonna go places and contribute his entire life to the betterment of society. All Damian wanted to do was smoke and listen to his favorite bands (and hold Levin's hand). So, instead, he would hide from everyone behind the bleachers, letting shame be his only friend.

One cigarette down, one more to go. As Damian was about to light his last cigarette, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey Damian, you got a second?" It was Levin.

Levin was wearing camo pants and combat boots. He had an old muscle shirt with a faded American flag on it. His lashes were long, his cheeks a little flushed (did he rush to get here?), his hair tousled in that effortless way that only Levin seemed to be able to pull off.

Damian forgot how long he had been looking at him before he responded.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Damian said.

Levin smiled, and Damian could feel himself getting lost again. 

"So, I found these poems in my locker, and they weren't signed by anybody," says Levin.

Damian tried to remain calm, though he was freaking out. He and Levin don't spend a lot of time together, so there's no way that Levin would know, right?

"Go on."
"Well, these poems are some of the most beautiful and wonderful things that I've read in a while. The only thing that has ever made me feel like that before was when I read the rules to enlist on https://www.goarmy.com"

Levin pulled out one of the poems and recited a line from it.
"I could spend days getting lost in the ruffles of your hair"
He looked at Damian.
"No one's ever described me like that before."

Damian slowed his breathing. Levin liked the poems. Levin Ross, the boy that he had been crushing on since 6th grade, liked his poetry. If he weren't in public, he'd crack a smile right now.

"Today during lunch, Chrissy reminded us that we had an algebra test tomorrow. I had forgotten my notes, so Jessica let me take a look at the notes she borrowed from you," Levin said.

Oh shit. Oh no no no no no.

"And I thought to myself, 'Hey, that handwriting looks familiar-'"
"IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" Damian shouted, he hoped not too defensively.

Levin looked at him, confused.

"What do you mean?"
"I mean, Amethyst and I have, like, the exact same handwriting. It's a twin thing. She was the one who wrote you those poems."

Damian hoped that Levin would believe him. Although all hope went away when Levin shook his head.

"I asked Amethyst about the poems, and she said that she didn't write them. She did mention, however, that you have been blasting 'The Only Exception' by Paramore lately and that she can't stand that song anymore."

Damian made the mental note to scream at Amethyst later. Levin sat down on the ground next to him.

"Damian..."
"You don't have to say anything about it if you don't want to, Levin."

Damian tried very hard to keep his voice even, but he couldn't look at Levin. He would see the tears in his eyes.

"You can pretend that you never got those poems. You can go on with your life and join the army and forget about that stupid emo kid who had this big dumb crush on you and, and-"

As Damian felt a tear slip from his eye, Levin's hands cupped his face, and he was suddenly facing him.

"Damian, I don't hate your poetry. In fact, I loved it."

Damian couldn't believe what he was hearing. Levin took his hands away from his face and looked away. Was he embarrassed?

"I...I have had a crush on you for a while now," Levin said quietly.

Damian was bewildered, and he responded, "Since when?"

"I don't know, since you came to class wearing that fishnet shirt like 2 years ago?"

Damian was speechless. His one-sided crush on Levin wasn't so one-sided after all. Levin put his hand over his.

"It took me a long time to come to terms with my feelings for you. I thought that me being queer made me less of a man, less able to defend my country. Luckily, I found out that there were a lot of gay soldiers."

Levin smiled, but then he quickly clarified, "I WOULD NEVER LOOK AT ANY OF THEM THOUGH AND I WOULD WRITE TO YOU EVERY WEEK WHEN I AM DEPLOYED!"

Levin saluted, then sheepishly put his hand down.

"That is, if you'll have me, of course."

Damian could feel his heart exploding through his chest. He almost pinched himself to make sure that he wasn't dreaming, "Levin, are you asking me out?"

Levin smiled, "Yeah, I guess I am."

Damian smiled. He smiled so hard he felt like his face would split in half. He intertwined his hand with Levin's.

"My answer is yes. In the words of Avril Lavigne, 'We rock each other's world'".

Levin laughed, and so did Damian. They both sat there, with their hands within each other's, until the sun set and the sky went dark. Damian managed to get the boy of his dreams, and it wasn't that "Complicated" (Let Go (2002)) after all.