It was a nice day [ineffable husbands fic]

The Plan

The next day Crowley drove over to the bookshop, looking with some level of curiosity around at the changes. There hadn't been much- soho had been essentially the same for years why change now? He had only come through here once after... well. When Muriel had taken over the bookshop he popped in, dropped off a list of instructions, and disappeared before Muriel ever realized he was in the shop.

He parked half hazardly in front of the shop and sauntered towards the door. He put his hand out to the handle, half expecting it to reject him, and sighed with relief when the doors allowed him inside. He had to fight to stop his face from forming into a smile when he saw Aziraphale, behind the checkout counter, as if he'd never left. He was talking to Muriel about the organization of the books when Crowley cleared his throat.
"I expect an apology before we start." Crowley announced, crossing his arms.
Aziraphale's smile faltered, "yes I know."
He performed the dance with more grandeur than was usually expected and when he straightened up he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I'm afraid I didn't have enough time to write a whole musical but if you'd like I could read the monologue I had started on."
Crowley with the smallest smirk he could muster, shook his head. "No that's fine. So, you, are you clear on the plan?" He turned to Muriel.
"Mrs. Maggie is going to go to the hospital and get a... hissy, hypno, histeroc-"
"Hysterectomy." Aziraphale corrected gently.
"Yes. That. The surgery will be performed by a demon, and therefore will make her body even more unstable for carrying God's second child."
Crowley nodded, "Yes yes very good."
"Yes so we just need to find out who Maggie's doctor is and then we can have the doctor come up with a problem for her." Aziraphale suggested.
Muriel frowned, "Couldn't we just ask her if she wants it?"
Aziraphale sighed, "Well, I don't think we have a choice. Either that or risk repeating the Adam situation and that's not a risk we can take this time."
"Surely we could just... raise the child to say no? I mean they'll be heaven incarnate so they should be good they should have so much love for the human world." Muriel pleaded, fidgeting with their hands.
Crowley shook his head, leaning against a pillar, "That won't work I'm afraid. Sorry to tell you but heaven isn't as good as you think it is. They'll destroy earth in a metaphorical heartbeat if it means they get to win a war against hell."
After a moment of silence where Muriel processed their life choices and future options, they sighed, "Alright I'll do it. What do you need my help with?"
***
The demon watched the Angel walk across the street and into the coffee shop. After years and years and years of being kicked around and being treated as disposable, Eric had finally gotten a good position. He was to be on earth and he was to be treated with respect. A final wish from Beelzebub- for some reason.
But Eric wasn't about to complain. He'd been informed on the demon who was to be his archenemy and followed them around constantly, thwarting any good deeds they might be up to.
He snuck into the coffee shop and got close up behind the angel. Muriel was holding a clip board and looking around the coffee shop.
Eric cleared his throat. "Muriel." He announced.
The Angel turned around and beamed, "Eric!" They threw their arms around him and Eric hid a small smile, and stood stock still. Muriel was under the impression that they were friends.
But they weren't friends.
That was impossible.
Muriel was an Angel.
Gross.
Eric definitely didn't need a hug every now and then to make him feel better.
Muriel pulled away, "What are you doing here?"
Eric shrugged, "Thwarting your good deeds, I suppose? Head office doesn't have anything for me to do so I'm coming up with my own stuff."
Muriel nodded, "maybe you could help me instead. I'm doing something I'm not supposed to." She whispered that last part. Eric raised an eyebrow.
"Muriel what are you up to?"
Their lip turned up in what they probably assumed was a mischievous smirk but actually looked more like they were trying to suppress a laugh, "I can't tell you. But you have no reason to thwart me." And with that they went to the front counter.
Eric shrugged and returned to his tiny cottage in Dover with the snap of his fingers.
Nina walked over to the register, "Hello Muriel, how can I help you?" She asked.
Muriel looked around behind Nina, "uh, yes. I was just wondering where Maggie may be?"
Nina crossed her arms, "Why do you want to know?"
"I have some parts on her lease records that she never filled out, I just wanted to get those sorted out really quickly." Muriel briefly showed Nina the clipboard before pulling away so she couldn't see it.
"I see," Nina said suspiciously, "She's in her shop. Why'd you come here first?"
Muriel shrugged, "It's early in the morning she typically helps you in the morning."
Nina nodded, "yeah? And she left 10 minutes ago."
Muriel nodded and began to step away, "ok thank you Nina, have a wonderful day!" They ran out of the shop, almost got hit by a car, and then straightened themself up to look more presentable, before pushing the record shop door open.
Maggie was shelving some records near the back when the bell above the door chimed. "Muriel!" She beamed, "how can I help you today? How was the Beatles record I sold you?"
"Wonderful thank you. I really liked that song that went 'here comes the sun do do do do'" Muriel smiled before clearing their throat, "but I have some other stuff I need to talk to you about."
Maggie frowned, put the record she was holding into the box, and stood up. "What is it?"
"Your lease form has some stuff that needs to be filled out."
Maggie shook her head, "no that can't be right I swear I filled everything out. I quadrupole checked it just to make sure."
Muriel's eyes widened, "Yes well there was an... insurance information update that I need you to fill out, that's what it was."
She handed Maggie the clip board.
Maggie picked up the pen and then raised an eyebrow, "why does my land lord need to know my gynecologist? A doctor is one thing, but this is a whole other thing."
Muriel was about to explain themself when Maggie handed back the clip board, "I'm sorry just... I really don't think that's something you should know. And remember I know you're not a normal human so I can't imagine what reason you'd need to have my gynecologist for."
Muriel looked away, ashamed, before nodding her head, "Yes, my apologies. I'll just, I'll be leaving now."
***
"What do you mean it didn't work?" Crowley asked later when Muriel had made her way back to the book shop.
"She said she knew I wasn't human and didn't want to think about why I needed that information." Muriel responded.
Aziraphale shook his head, "Perhaps we should just tell her what's going on? I mean she already knows about angels and demons and the like but I don't think she knows what exactly is going to happen.
Crowley nodded, "Yes, great idea. So we'll go over to Maggie and Nina's flat tonight and explain-"
He was stopped by a knock at the door. Muriel turned to the door.
"We're closed right now I'm sorry!" They called.
"I don't care. Open up." It was Nina.
"Shit." Crowley groaned. Muriel looked over at Aziraphale, who nodded for them to let them inside.
Nina was there, with Maggie, and Muriel lead them to the back room.
"Oh, thought it had something to do with you two." Nina crossed her arm.
Crowley rolled his eyes, "how could you possibly know it had anything to do with us?"
"Your car was outside and I haven't seen that car on this block since Mr. Fell left. So if you're here, he would have to be here as well." Maggie answered.
"Right, well you've been asking my wife weird questions and I want to know why." Nina spat, crossing her arms.