Dear Carter

•7

Olivia POV

I gulped, walking towards the building. My feet were hesitantly and slowly making their way up the stairs. My hands were clamy and my bottom lip was between my teeth. Nervousness filled my body as I shakily opened the door, taking a step into the building. Fear entered my bones as I walked down the deserted hallway. Something was going down, it was never deserted.

Nobody should ever feel this scared to go to school. Schools supposed to be safe, not somewhere you feel trapped and scared. I felt pathetic to be this scared just to go to school. Looking around, I ran to my locker, unlocking it and grabbing my books. Just before it closed, I screamed at the snake that fell out. I jumped away, holding my chest as I realized it was only a fake one, most likely from Walmart. Laughing filled my ears and I looked up, seeing everyone laughing at me. Tears filled my eyes and I slammed my locker, running to my class.

No wonder the halls were deserted. They were waiting to see my pathetic reaction. I slid into my seat at the front of the class, whipping my tears away. I straightened up, and looked at the front while students entered the class.

"Hey nerd, where's your glasses?"

"Hey bitch, why are you even here?"

"Yeah, nobody wants you here, you ugly fat ass."

"Just go kill yourself, it would make everyone happier."

I bowed my head, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. They kept calling me names and throwing paper balls at me. Where was the teacher? Gosh, I'm so pathetic. Maybe I should just do everyone a favor and kill myself. They'll be so happy. I'm not wanted here, so I should just dissapere. Never come back and make everyone happy.

Relief filled me as the bell rang for lunch. Everyone got up, walking out. I gathered my things and stood up, walking out last. As I was walking down the hall, someone slid their foot out, tripping me. I fell down, my books falling everywhere. Everyone laughed, once again. I sighed, getting up and picking up my things.

I've been laughed at twice so far and it's only the middle of the day. That's a new record, usually I get laughed at about five times before it even hits lunch time.

I walked in the lunch room, my head down and my arms clutching my books to my chest. I smiled at the lunch lady, grabbing a tray and handing it to her. She put mashed potatoes on it along with some meat and an apple. I payed and walked out, towards the back of the school. I sat under a tree, eating my food.

I walked to last class, my feet huridly hitting the floor. I was already late due to getting my stuff thrown down the stairs. I was about to enter the class, I was abruptly yanked back by the head cheerleader, Veronica.

"So, I heard the little tramp was trying to steal Jake.." She said, referring to Savannah, the schools 'tramp'. Jake was the schools nerd, the one that everyone liked but never talked to.

I bit my lip, "i-i don't k-know" I whispered, looking at my feet. She grabbed my chin, yanking my head to look at her smirking face.

"Well you better flirt with him or something. Savannah can't have him." She smirked, knowing I couldn't do this. She wanted me to be humiliated.

"I-i can't. I-im sorry." I shook my head, stepping back. She glared at me, slapping me across the face. I fell to the ground, clutching my cheek. This always happens.

"Fine I'll get my girls to do it. Why'd I even ask you? Your ugly and fat, nobody will ever like your worthless self. Gosh, stop wasting my time and get the hell out of my way. Just go kill yourself, everyone will be happy. Even your parents didn't want you." She smirked, kicking my stomach and walking away.

I let my tears fall and stood up, walking out the door. It was no use to go to class anymore. I walked down the road towards my house. Why'd I have to be worthless?

When I got home, I unlocked the door, walking in and closing it. I walked upstairs to my room, closing and locking the door. I threw my stuff down, sinking down the door and sobbing. I looked around my room, at my blue walls with posters and polaroids of Carter Reynolds and the boys. I looked away, walking to my bathroom. I grabbed my razor, and lifted my uniform skirt, slicing my thighs.

Kill yourself!

Your ugly and fat!

You worthless pig!

The words the kids at school said repeated through my head as I sliced and sliced my skin. Tears ran down my cheeks, falling onto my thighs mixing with the blood.

**

I walked downstairs, rubbing my eyes. I sat in my chair, looking at my mom and giving a weak smile. She had just woke me up from my nap to eat dinner. I wasn't even hungry, and I would probably puke it up later. I'm too fat to eat, and they all know it but won't admit it. I put a piece of chicken on my plate and a half spoon of corn.

"Honey you need to eat more then that." My dad said, making his own plate. I looked over at Ben who stacked his plate with food. Andrea rolled her eyes, grabbing some chicken and two spoons of corn and macaroni.

"Dad, if she doesn't appreciate the food we give her and the family we give her then leave her alone. Nobody cares." Ben shrugged, stuffing a spoon of Corn into his mouth.

I bowed my head, playing with my corn. Tears threatened to spill but I blinked them back, while biting my lip. Andrea scoffed, slapping him in the head, "shut up you moron. Olivia, don't listen to him. He's just a rude brat." She hissed, glaring at him. I smiled sadly at her, biting my chicken.

"So, how was your day, Andrea?" Mom cleared her throat. The only one who ever stood up for me was Andrea. Nobody else cared. I was probably a burden to Andrea to, but she's to nice to say anything. I sighed deeply, drinking my drink.

"Oh, mine was great. Me and Jenn went out and-" I tuned out of what Andrea was saying as I played with my food. I knew they weren't going to ask me how my day was, they never do. They always ask how Ben and Andrea's day was and if they need anything. They rarely ask me anything except if I need more pills or anything.

"So, Olivia how's the depression?" Dad asked, smiling sweetly. I bit my lip, looking up at him.

"Dad, gosh shut up, will you? Damn. You don't have to answer." Andrea said, glaring at dad.

"I-its okay. I'm not depressed dad I tried telling you that." I said, placing my fork down and getting up, taking my plate to the sink and washing it. As I was walking past the dining room, I heard them talking.

"Honey maybe we should send her somewhere." Moms voice sounded, a sigh coming after.

"Mom! She's not going anywhere. And really Ben? What the fuck is wrong with you?! She's your sister, fucking deal with it! If you guys wouldn't always stress her out she wouldn't be like this! She's your daughter, you need to show her some fucking love" Andrea yelled, and slammed her fist on the table. I took that as my cue to leave and walked upstairs, to my room.

Their always saying they want to send me away. They don't think I know, but I do know. I know they don't want me here, nobody wants me here. I should just die. It'd be better for everyone.