dedicated to Emilyi know we dont always get on but i can always rely on you to be there when i need someone to talk to.
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A few months had pasted and nothing had really changed. Alec and I had decided that if I wore the ring on my finger then it would draw more attention towards us than we wanted so he found me a chain and I wear it around my neck all the time. Alice and I were back to normal and were closer than ever now that we had something good to look forward to. We’d begun to plan the wedding and had set a date. I now had two big days in the same month my birthday was 5 months away exactly and 2 weeks after that I was going to get married. There was still one thing I had to do though and it was going to be by far the hardest. I would have to talk to Jack.
I had text him asking if he would meet me at the same park bench that we had sat at just 5 months previous. It seemed like a lifetime away but I still remembered it the arguing and the words jack said that I couldn’t quite make out. Jack hadn’t replied to the text but Alice and Alec were visiting their grandparents in Scotland and so I had nothing else to do than to go down to the park and see if I would turn up.
I was sat down with my headphones in and I was away in another world. I still had to choose the song I would walk down the aisle to and so I was listening to every song on my iPod I a hope to find a suitable song that I would like. A shadow appeared in my view forcing me to leave the wonderful world of make believe that I was enjoying so much, to look up and discover who it was that was so rudely blocking my view. It was jack and so I pulled out my headphones and signalled for him to sit down next to me.
“I don’t want to sit down here there are too many bad memories. How about we go for a walk?” jack said to me without a flinch and it sounded almost as if he had anticipated what I was going to say and practiced that line in front of his mirror before leaving the house.
“Yeah ok” I said standing up slowly making sure as not to fall over which I normally do nowadays when first stand up after a while of sitting down. “Where do you want to walk to?” I asked knowing full well where he would suggest we should walk to.
“Well how about we walk along the beach?” Jack suggested as he started to walk towards the park gate that lead onto the road. I was right he did want to go down to the beach that always had been his favourite place and I had a feeling that once we had walked for a while he would stop at the exact place we had had our first kiss.
“Yeah Ok that sounds cool.” I began to walk with him and there was silence for a few minutes until I had finally repeated the first line in my head so many times that I knew exactly what to say. “jack I need to tell you something but you have to promise not to over react and storm off or to tell anyone because this is really secret but I thought you needed to know.” I thought I'd said that with strength in my voice but I wasn’t quite sure how it sounded to jack.
“Ok what is it?” jack sounded worried but curious so I began to tell him everything.
“Well you know that I and Alec are going out and that, well, I'm not going to be around forever. Well a couple of months ago Alice and her mum and dad went out for the evening and so me and Alec had the house to ourselves and well-“I was about to tell him when I heard this ringing. It wasn’t my phone because my ringtone was me and Alice singing along to the TV. Alec had recorded us secretly one day and although our singing wasn’t good it always reminded me of how happy we were. It must have been Jack’s but who would be ringing him this time in the afternoon on a Sunday. I was about to find out as he stopped walking lifted the old Nokia out of his back left pocket and held it to his ear without even looking at the screen as if he knew who it was already.
“Hello?” he asked. After the person on the other end replied jacks face changed completely he suddenly became really angry and then he said something I'd never heard him say. “Why can’t you just fuck off and leave me alone I don’t want to talk to you anymore. You just really annoy me!” he didn’t even wait for a reply before hanging up the phone and putting it back into his pocket but this time in the front as if he knew it would ring again. Jack never swore so what he said on the phone completely shocked me especially considering he was normally a very patient person that never got angry with anybody.
“Who was that?” I enquired know that he probably wouldn’t tell me but it was worth a shot.
“Oh, it was just Katy. She keeps ringing me. Every day at the same time and she always says the same thing. And I don’t want to hear it.” Jack sounded annoyed but I had to get to the bottom of things.
“But I thought you were going out?” I asked with a confused tone in my voice. I suddenly flashed back to when jack and I were sat on the bench in the park and he first told me about her. I didn’t know her but I knew I hated her.
“Yes we were we’re not anymore she just didn’t want to act like we were going out it was almost as if we were still friends.” Jack didn’t seem hurt or upset by the breakup so that made me think that maybe that wasn’t the reason they’d broken up but I wasn’t about to push it further.
“As I was saying Alec and I had the house to ourselves and well basically he asked me to marry him, and I said yes.” I had said that so fast I wasn’t even sure if he’d heard or not but I wasn’t really sure how he would take it and after just having seen how he spoke to Katy I was bracing myself for the worst.
“oh, ok.” Jack sounded disappointed and surprised but not angry I was a little surprised by the disappointment but I was going to push his answer.
“is that it you don’t want to tell me anything because if I were you I would do it now before Alec gets back because once he’s back things will be full steam ahead and then there will be no turning back.” I don’t know what answer I wanted but I knew I wanted more than an ‘oh, ok’.
“no I don’t think so. I'm happy for you.” Jack looked me in the eye for the first time in nearly a year and smiled a fake cheary smile that people often use when they want people to know they’re not ok but I didn’t have the time or the emotional strength to go through that.
“ok well I've got to get back for my dinner and meds but I'll see you around. Ok?” I said that with a little ice in my voice and then bagain to walk away from jack up the steps off the beach.
“WAIT ELLE!” I heard jack shout and as I turned around he was nearly at my face. I could feel his heavy breathing on my face. I knew what was coming next and yet I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Jack took both my hands in his and leaned in to kiss me. I should have pulled away, I know I should but I just couldn’t help myself there was something there. Something between me and jack had been there for years and now, just when I didn’t want it to be, it was stronger than ever.
