My Diary of Sweet Nothings

A conversation with the silence (Part 2)

    "Lawrence.." I call, "Look at me ...its Catherine..." my voice is loud but shielded from him and everyone else. 

       I am here but he can't see me, can he? He will never be able to see me. Its like I am frozen in him but he is still walking and talking irrelevant that I am still here. Something in me pains when I see him cry. He was never one of those who would cry. He was never one of those who remained fallen. I know I said we would do it all, everything. But I guess somethings are easier said then done. 

    ......Where do you go with your broken heart in tow

          What do you do with the left over you

          and how do you know when to let go

         where does the good go

         where does the good go......

    But I think thats not even the pathetic part. The worst is he had moved on. It took him months but he did.  And I, I still seem to remain in the same place stuck trying to find my way back to him. I am on the same road where I made him lie with me. Its cold but I don't feel a thing. I am not supposed to, I am dead you know. I skip on the concrete tiles of the pavement when I see him. He is not alone, he seems to go out more often nowadays. He has his arm wrapped around a blond. I can see the glee on her face. He gives her occasional smiles but mostly he stares at the pavement looking sad (but maybe thats just in my head) as he passes me. He doesn't notice me but its not his fault. I am not suppose to be noticed because when you are dead and gone, no one is suppose to notice or feel your presence. 

    ......look me in the eye and tell me you dont find me attractive

         look me in the heart and tell me you wont go

         look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love

         look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen......

 I thought dying will give me the answers to all those questions I asked my whole life. But I was wrong and I am still confused. I still don't have any idea where this universe ends or if fairies do exist. Does God exist? If he does, he surely should make an appearance by now. Its not like I am ever going back to the birth and death cycle. Its not like I am ever going back to Lawrence. He is walking down the pavement, his arms are still wrapped around her in a grip which looks very fragile and she gives him a peck on his cheek. I know I should let him move on. Let him go. But I can't, I don't want him to move on from me. I am selfish, I know. I wish I could do something about it. But I can't, I am alone and I can't let go of him. What do I do with all these memories, his beautiful laugh, the way he falls asleep, or the sound of his breath. I can't let go of anything. Because I am still here maybe not in flesh but I am here. How do I let the good go?

    ......its love that leaves and breaks 

         the seal of always thinking you would be

        real happy and healthy strong and calm 

        where does the good go

        where does the good go......

    I have tried talking, tried screaming with the slightest hope that he 'll hear me. But he doesn't. I have even tried whispering but it seems like the contract between God and Death is tight. No loopholes. Of course they spent millenniums sitting behind round tables discussing the contract but I, I died in a second. No discussion, no negotiation. It was more like a mute order when I was crashed by the car. 

    ......where do you go when your in love and the world knows

          how do you live so happily while i am sad and broken down

         what do you say it's up for grabs now that your on your way down

        where does the good go

       where does the good go......

    I look at him. Its hard not to love him and its even harder to forget. But maybe I should. I should move on and let all these good go and wander off  in the universe. Because I love him.  I know what to do..

    ......where does the good go

         where does the good go

         where does the good go

         where does the good go......

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Hey, 

     Did you like it? I made a part 2. I know its a little weird ghost talking. But Idk.. let me know your thoughts and please please..vote!

Thanks, 

Much love, 

Bharbi xXx