Irreconcilable~Mattheo Riddle

Year 5: (Y/N's POV) Part 1.5

song: Glimpse of Us-Joji

They day before the hearing we are all gathered around the dinner table, Mrs. Weasley has been so kind to us. I love being around the big family. It makes me feel so welcomed and I feel as if I belong.

Harry and I had the opportunity to talk, and he seems to be fine now, he took Cedric's death hard, he admitted that he placed some of the blame on me. But after a long talk, we both apologized. Things are still tense, but at least we aren't bickering 24/7.

I observe all the faces of those around me.

I watch Ginny laugh at Nymphadora making all these funny faces. Simultaneously I watch Remus watching her, he seems to be in awe with her. A smile is creeping up his face in pure admiration. I can't help but wonder if anyone will feel that way about me.

I wonder if I will feel that way about someone.

My eyes go to Sirius, watching Remus, he smiles as if experiencing both longing and peace. It's the type of smile to be totally melancholic but in its tragedy, you find beauty.

Fred squeezes my hand under the table, and I am brought back to the moment. Fred has been an absolute blast.  His mom is crazily supportive, and Arthur was shocked but still gave me the biggest hug when Fred told them that we are dating.

It still feels strange to say. Fred is my boyfriend.

It feels almost unnatural to say.

Dating Fred includes a lot of inside jokes and prank planning and going out for walks in the middle of the night and watching the sun rise on the roof of the house. I feel special when I am around him.

Eventually everyone clears from the room, and as the rest of us "youths" (as Arthur calls us) plan on playing Gobstones, Remus calls me aside.

Fred gives me another kiss on the cheek before leaving me alone with Remus. I always enjoyed his company, but we never really got a chance to connect, except during the Patronus lessons he gave.

"Please tell me if I am overstepping here, but Y/N, why do you like Fred?" my jaw almost falls to the floor, I am so taken aback by the question.

"Forgive me, but I assumed you had an infatuation with Mattheo," he shifts a bit in his seat.

"Professor that was 2 years ago..." I think back to the last time I properly saw him

"You went to the Yule Ball with him," he questions but it is more of a statement.

"Sirius told you. I didn't go with him, I just spent majority of it with him," I say rather matter-of -factly.

He actually laughs, "Of course he told me, he was furious!" he chuckles this time, "did that change anything for you though?"

I think to how I started to become distant towards Mattheo, "Professor, what is the point of all this?" I gesture in such a way that shows the current conversation we are in.

"I just saw something between the two of you, and the boggarts?" he raises his eyebrows and I laugh in response.

"You are young, but from what I know and see Mattheo has a soft spot for you and you have one for him."
I feel heat grow in my face and I try to hide it, by starting to cough.

"I know how it feels to love, be in love and to lose love," he sits up this time, "I just don't want you to lose someone special to you because of what other people say."

I feel as if I should be defending Fred, telling him this is ludicrous, but instead I nod.

"My first love, the one that taught me all about heartache and pain, but also joy and bliss..." he looks to the door then back at me, "if I cared about what people thought I never would have experienced being completely mental about someone, and someone being completely mental about me," he smiles and then gestures as if he were dismissing something

"But what do I know? Not as if I am married or anything," I cant help but laugh at his exceptionally dry joke.

I thank him for the conversation and we both give each other a nod before leaving.

As I exit the room, Fred is waiting for me, "why hello," we both end up giggling.

"Want to watch the sunset with me?" he asks conjuring up a flower from his wand and placing it in my hair.

"Of course, I would," I take his hand and he leads me to the roof.

When we finally settle into our positions, we sit holding hands and talk about school and the Order. 

After a while, when the sun has almost gone below the horizon, when the sky is painted in pastel orange and pink, where only the only sound is that of the a few birds chirping he turns to me,     "Y/N..."

He blushes, turns away, looks back at me and then blurts out, "CanIkissyou?"

I laugh, I cannot hear a single word he said, he turns red again, "Gosh Freddy what's got you in a tizz? Too much butterbeer?" I tease

"I drink Fire- Whiskey now," he says, unable to keep a straight face,

"Oh yeah? Tell that to Mrs. Weasley," he goes suddenly white as if petrified. 

"Nevermind!"he stretches his legs, before taking the daisy out of my hair. He plays with it for a while, "Can. I. Kiss. You?" he asks.

I blush, realizing what he was asking. I think of Mattheo.

Ew, no, what am I doing? I'm only thinking about him and his hair and his smile, because Remus brought him up. We are way too different.

 "Of course I respond," I realize he has done this before. He actually got detention once for snogging in the hallways. I just hope he doesn't take my inexperience as a bad sign.

He leans in and entangles his hand in my hair, using the other to steady himself. He is soft and gentle, and I reciprocate the action.

Soon, he adds more technique and in between giggles at my nervousness. Eventually, I seem to understand how this works. I feel butterflies form in my chest, and I place my hands behind his neck, pulling him closer, just slightly.

"FREDERICK GIDEON WEASLEY!" we both freeze and pull away from one another.

Luckily, it's just Ginny, calling us inside so we can play; she proceeds to clap and whistle for us. Fred looks at me,

"Well, that was fun."