Seize The Day

Chapter Twenty One

Sophie checked her watch. Seven am, it was evening with Bill in Australia. There was a chance if she emailed him now he’d see her message before his final day of racing. Pulling her laptop from the floor, she flipped it open and logged on to her email. Opening his last message she penned a reply that she knew had to be honest and truthful.

                 “Bill. I need to tell you something and it's important.  I’ve just spoken to Miles, I bumped into him when I was out for a run this morning and he told me you called, I had NO idea, and I’m so sorry he answered. We were celebrating at the Lion, Vin and I, I'd just had the confirmation that I had the show. It was late in the evening, he turned up. I don’t know why. I left, straight away, I had no intention of speaking to him...but I forgot my phone, left it on the bar, that’s why he answered it was nothing more than that. But if you truly loved me you’d know that I’d not to anything to jeopardise us. You didn’t trust me at the first test Bill. 

                “All I’ve wanted this last five weeks is to share my excitement with you, not Vin, not Margo, not my brother and DEFINITELY not Miles, but you and you alone. I love you in so many ways; I mean you’re my best friend, and most recently you’ve become my best lover. But you’ve not been there and it breaks my heart. I understand the physical distance and I wouldn't change that because it's so important to you, and me too, but the emotional absence has been crippling.

                “The irony is that this is all because of you. The day you left I was inspired by the greatest creativity of my life. Every work is about you and how I feel about you, how you make me feel. The centre piece of the whole exhibition is an interpretation of your eyes! How ridiculous does that sound? I’m almost laughing at myself. But I painted every one wearing your surfshack hoodie, smelling you, feeling close to you...I’ve slept in your bed every night for the last two weeks. I feel close to you there and it calms me. 

                “I’m so glad that the cycling has worked out for you, you were always going to be so much more than a banker. You aren’t the sort of person who conforms to that. I can’t wait to see you living your dream on a permanent basis. I hope you read this before the last day of the race. And I hope you win it! You deserve it! I've listened to every stage, followed every twitter feed and it's been enthralling!

“I’ve buried the hatchet with my brother, in a timely fashion as it seems Ma and Pa are hovering on the horizon, we need to be united for that! And it’s such a relief to have an ally like him. And I'm starting to believe that I wasn't unloveable all those years ago, just unloved. I was starting to feel better about myself...

“I’ll always love you Bill, but we can’t ever be just friends, not after all that happened. And if you can’t trust me enough to ask me the truth then I don’t think we can be anything at all. I’ve accepted Margo’s offer and after this exhibition...my big night, I’ll be moving into the attic of the shop. Come and see me when you get back. 

“I miss you every day,    Sophie.”

That was the truth, she was angry with Bill as much as with Miles. Now that she’d cleared her chest, told them both how awful they were being, how badly they treated her, she found it all calming, relaxing, and very cathartic. It was a closed page. She didn’t deserve to be mistreated, disrespected like that. She had to embrace this opportunity it was her big chance and she owed it to herself. She’d gone months, years without having a man in her life, she could do many more. With a confident smile, she closed the laptop lid and took Margo’s dress out of the protective carrier.

Beautiful! She couldn’t wait to wear it.

It was a sunny day, but she couldn’t concentrate on anything, so she set up a huge canvas in her bedroom and selected her wildest oil paints. It was a day for bright colour, vivid images and passion. Her enthusiasm came across as a wild mess on the blank screen, but as time went on her image became clearer. It was nothing distinct, but to her it symbolised her anxiety over the past, and her optimism for the future. It was mid afternoon when she’d finally agreed that it was finished, but by then she was a mess of paint and dust.