I think I have too much hair.
Like, sure there are a bunch of boys with long hair. But with me, I don't look like one with it. My face frame is too feminine. I guess that tying it back helps, but it's still there. I need it cut. But my parents would never go for it. They hate me "dressing like a boy," because I don't wear dresses like I did in elementary school. God, I can't imagine how much they'd hate the whole "actually being a boy" thing.
Thinking about my shitty hair and somewhat shitty parents doesn't last very long, though, 'cause I hear my phone buzz on my nightstand.
Rolling over and grabbing it, I see a text from Stan.
Kyyyy
what?
Can I come over?
I giggle. God, it's one in the morning. Why could he possibly want to hang out now? Though, I do really want to hang out with him. We don't hang out alone much anymore.
why?
Pleaseeeeee? :(
sure. don't let parents see lol
Tyyyy :)
I put my phone back down on my nightstand and lay back down, staring at my ceiling. Alone with my thoughts. Maybe I could tell Stan when he's over. I already told Craig, how difficult could this be? Though, I only just told Craig. Besides, I just realized. Maybe I should wait, actually. But if I wait, then I still have to be called 'Kylie.' And I'll still have to see my stupid hair. If I tell Stan, he could cut it for me. I'm sure he'd be understanding, right?
Even Craig said that it would be fine telling Stan. Besides, I've known him for ages, nothing will change. But before I could think about it anymore, I heard my door start to open.
"Hey," Stan says, followed by a large 'gulp'. He walks in and quietly shuts the door behind him, "your parents should really get an alarm system or something, that was too easy."
I laugh at the remark, sitting up. "So, why did you wanna come over all of a sudden?"
"Oh, what, a guy can't just wanna hang out with his best friend?" he sits down on the bed next to me.
"I mean, I appreciate that you want to see me so bad," I say, he rolls his eyes, "but, seriously, it's one in the fucking morning. What's up?"
"Nothing's up, Ky-"
"Last time you wanted to hang out this late was when your parents were thinking about getting divorced."
"Okay, so maybe something's up," he lays down next to me.
"And? What is it?"
"My dad's just being a dick 'cause he saw my search history, I don't get his deal."
I laugh. "Search history? What was it, porn?"
"No, not exactly-" He pauses, sitting back up. I raise an eyebrow at him. "-okay, well 'not exactly' makes it sound like it was porn. I promise it wasn't porn."
"Okay, well what was it?" I ask.
"It was- research. On something. Can we please drop this now?" He replies, nervously.
"Yeah, we can."
We both stare at each other for what feels like hours, though 'minutes' would be more accurate. Stan finally decides to break the silence between us. "So, what's new with you?" he asks.
"Not much, really." God, that sounded like a lie. And if I think it sounded fake, then Stan definitely knows I'm lying. Fuck, I should just tell him.
"Oka-"
"Actually, I have something to tell you." I blurt out. Well, fuck, there's no going back now.
"What is it?" He asks, looking somewhat worried.
"I- fuck, uhm-" I start to tear up. This is so much harder than it was with Craig, of course it is. Why couldn't I realize that sooner? "You know what? Maybe- never mind. I can't- shit."
"Woah, Ky- what's wrong? You can tell me," he puts his hand on my shoulder. And, I'm already sobbing. Great.
"I- okay. So," I'm trying to speak through sobs. It's barely working, "I think that- uhm- I think maybe I'm a boy."
"What?" he asks. Calmly.
"Fuck- I'm sorry. You probably think that's weird," I start sobbing even more, I'm a frantic mess, "God- I should've- you shouldn't- I just found out, so maybe I should've waited to say anything 'cause it could just not be true- and I'm sorry. I just-"
"Ky-"
"Just forget I said anything. It's stupid, I don't know why I thought it in the first place. I mean-" I'm staring down at my hands, trying not to make eye contact with him.
"Ky!" Stan shouts, but not so loud that it could wake my parents up. I look up at him, tears streaming down my face. "Hey- hey, it's okay, nobody's mad, I just-" he leans forward and wraps his arms around me, pulling me in for a hug. I hug him back, shoving my face into the side of his neck to muffle my sobs. I can't even tell if he's mad or not. Maybe just surprised? Hopefully just surprised.
We sit there for a while, but I eventually pull away. Still staring down at my hands.
"Are you- okay?" he asks.
I nod my head 'yes.'
"Okay," he pauses, "so, you're a dude?"
"Yeah, I guess," I say, wiping my face.
"Okay. Yeah- okay. Got it. So, do you have a name?"
"Well, I told Craig just to call me 'Ky' but-"
"What? You told Craig before me? No fair," He says, in a desperate attempt to make me laugh after that whole sobbing fit. And it worked. Of course it did.
"Shut up," I say, laughing, "But- maybe Kyle? It's kinda boring but I think it sounds nice."
"Okay, Kyle," he says, I smile at the usage of the name, "Can I still use Ky? I get it if not, but-"
"Yeah, you can. It's cute," I answer, though he seems to gag a bit. Huh.
"I should get going, y'know, before my parents realize I left," he stands up, causing the bed to creak.
"Get home safe, the street lights are out."
"Yeah, I will," he walks to the door, placing his hand on the doorknob before turning around to face me, "I'm happy you told me that. Even if you told Craig of all people first, you still told me. Thank you."
I smile at him. "Goodnight, loser."
"Night." He leaves the room, being as quiet as ever.
I lay back on my bed, letting out a sigh of relief. That went- well. It was a lot better than I thought it would be, anyways. I pick up my phone from my nightstand, sending him a message saying;
text me back when ur home :)
After it sends, I put the phone back down, turn off the lamp, and roll over in an attempt to finally get some sleep.
