Our love couldn't go wrong

Chapter Four :

TW for (emotional) abuse

There's something...off about Courtney and her relationship. He just knows it; he had suspicions before she even told anyone about her dating again, but it's been almost a year since then and the fact that today is the first time he's even seen the other man, it all just confirms that something isn't quite right. He doesn't know what, exactly, but it's definitely something.

Or maybe he's reading into things too much.

Maybe he's just jealous.

He knows that he will always have problems with anyone that Courtney dates. After all, he's protective of her, he loves her so much and he only wants what's best for her. Even if that isn't him. But maybe that's his problem - he's had a crush on Court for almost as long as he's known her. And resultantly, he hasn't been so supportive of her relationships, even if they have been healthy.

It's wrong for him to say that he wishes that was the case with this one, but it isn't. Not wholly, anyway.

Because he isn't jealous, he's angry. Not at her, never at her, but at the man she's dating, because whatever is going on behind the scenes isn't right, even if he can't place why. Who promises to pick their girlfriend up from work and shows up over an hour late, not even bothering to apologise or provide reasoning - let alone send her a message in advance so she isn't waiting alone in the cold? What kind of boyfriend point-blank turns down an invitation to their partner's birthday party and then forbids them from attending their own party because they've now 'made plans'?

Even without his knowledge of psychology, he would be able to tell that Courtney's boyfriend is toxic. But he doesn't think he has it in him to tell her that. She's still young, naive, and the thought of someone taking advantage of that makes him enraged, but he also knows it isn't his place to intervene. She'd come to him if she needed help, right?

That's how it always used to be. Right from the get-go, he would be her first point of call with any sort of emotional conflict, and if not him then Olivia, or even Ian. But not recently. He doesn't even think she's told him anything in the past few months, besides asking how he is and trying to set him up with people because she 'wants to see him happy'. Truth is, he doesn't think he can be happy if she isn't. He doesn't think he can be happy without her.

It sounds so sad and pathetic, and it makes him wonder if maybe he's the toxic one.

He just wants what's best for her. He wants to know that she's safe and happy, because she deserves it more than anyone he knows. And right now, she isn't happy. He doesn't know if she's safe, either, and it scares him to think of the possibility. Because that's what it is, it's a possibility, and maybe he's overthinking it all, but none of this is sitting right with him and he would rather be prepared for everything than not know what to do if it ever came down to it.

It's with a sigh that he grabs his laptop from the coffee table, opening it up as he lowers himself onto his couch. Logging in, he takes note of the time displayed in the bottom right hand corner. 7:14pm.

It's going to be a long night.

————————————

The car ride home finds Courtney sitting in silence, too scared to say anything. Jason doesn't seem...mad, but he doesn't seem happy, either, and it's moments like these that she hates more than anything. Maybe it's selfish of her, but she just wishes that there would be some consistency. She wishes that she didn't have to wait things out to know how she needed to act in order to stop things from escalating.

She wishes that she knew how to be enough for him.

But that's her problem, not his. She's the problem, not him, and she knows that she's so lucky to have someone like him, someone who wants her to be the best version of her. Everyone else had left her because she wasn't good enough, but Jason loves her, he's said so; that's why he does this.

She doesn't feel very lucky right now, though, she doesn't feel very loved. She feels as though she could cry, but she fights back the tears that long to fall out, because she doesn't want to make anything worse tonight. And she knows that it shouldn't be like that. She knows that she's allowed to cry and feel whatever she is feeling right now, but she won't let herself. She can't go through life as a self-pitying, wallowing, crybaby. Nobody likes that.

As a kid, she always used to get teased for being too sensitive. It used to be a running joke throughout middle school that she'd cry if the wind blew too harshly, or if somebody so much as said her name. 'Crybaby Courtney' was thrown about behind her back more than she likes to admit, but even then, they were never wrong in saying so.

When she got to ninth grade, she remembers Kari and Kami sitting down with her to talk to her about her emotions, and how she needed to change before she got to high school. It took her all of three days of her freshman year to understand what they meant and why they did that. She wishes that she'd listened.

But she's never been able to switch off her emotions, as much as she has wished she could. And it's moments like these where she desperately wishes that she had that ability, that she would do anything to just turn her feelings off and turn them back on later when she could stop moping and be normal. But her and the word normal had never gone together.

The first tear slides down her face without warning, right as Jason pulls over on the side of some road she doesn't remember being on the drive home.

She doesn't know why she's crying - she wouldn't even say that she's sad - but she can't stop once she starts, and she's quick to wipe her face with her sleeves in a futile attempt to get rid of it. It doesn't work. She doesn't know what she expected, but now she's a crying mess with smeared mascara and patchy foundation she's stained the cuff of her tee with. "Why the fuck are you crying? God, Courtney, am I really that bad company that you turn into a blubbering mess whenever you're with me? You always fucking do this! What's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry, I-I don't," She gulps between her cries, not knowing what to say, "It's not you, it's me, I don't kn-know what's wrong with me."

His hands smack against the steering wheel and she tenses up, waiting for some sort of impact. It doesn't come. "Damn right, it's you. You're so fucked up, I don't know what I did to deserve this shit. All I've ever done is be nice and put up with everything you put me through, and this is what you do? You know what, Courtney, get out."

"W-what?"

Her voice cracks, and she turns to look at him through her tears, unsure what's just happened. He closes his eyes for a second and breathes deeply through his nose, before facing her and repeating himself. He's calm at first, "I said 'get out'. As in grab your shit and get out of my car," she blinks at him, hesitating for just a second too long. "Get out! How hard is it to understand that, how stupid are you? Get the fuck out! I don't want to see you again tonight. I don't care where you go, just go, fucking leave!" He screams at her as she practically scrambles out of the car, leaving everything behind.

Her sobs are sharper and she knows she must look like such a mess right now, but she can't bring herself to care. She doesn't know what just happened, she doesn't know what to do or where to go.

It's only when she reaches for her back pocket that she realises that she doesn't have her phone. She doesn't have anything on her. The panic starts to kick in and her mind rushes through all of the different possibilities for things she could do. She could wait around for a while before heading back to the apartment, hoping that Jason won't still be pissed at her if she apologises after giving him some time to calm down. But if that doesn't work, he'll just be even more mad and she doesn't want to deal with that, not today. She could go to Olivia's, but she doesn't have any way of getting an Uber and the keys to her car are still in her apartment, which she can't get to, and she doesn't want to risk walking all the way there. She could go to Shayne's, if she actually remembered where his new place is. But that's unlikely, considering that she doesn't even know where she is right now. Jason had taken a different route to usual and she doesn't recognise her surroundings.

She's alone, she's lost, and she doesn't think that she's been more scared than she is right now.